


Until my Best Friend do us Apart

by Poteto



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aomine is very weak for pretty people, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mentions of minor ships, Multi, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, alternative title: Momoi Satsuki and the damn patriarchy, fake marriage au, kise has commitment issues, mentions of Kise's past relationships, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of family issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poteto/pseuds/Poteto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So… Aomine-kun, right? Momocchi have told me a lot about you.”<br/>“Well, that makes one of us, because I never heard about you from her at all.” Aomine glares at him as Kise fidgets nervously.<br/>“Okay, let me explain our situation then. Momocchi and I are really great friends and she is… how can I put this? Doing me a favor? Right. She’s doing me a huge favor and we’re getting married, but just as friends.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What you may call fate

**Author's Note:**

> And here I am making yet another Kise-centric fic. Who is surprised? Not me.  
> Warnings: English is not my native language, I'm addicted to platonic friendships and I think cliches are the best. This chapter is very short and quick, but I hope you guys find it fun to read anyway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Momoi and Kise start an adventure.

Momoi is already having one hell of a bad day when a creeper starts to whistle at her from across the street.

She sighs. _Perfect_. This is just perfect. A crappy end for the crappiest of the days. On that morning, her boss sent her to grab him coffee not once or twice, but three times during a single meeting. And she obliged, but only because she hopes the excess of caffeine will eventually kill him. She’s the only woman in her department that is not a secretary, so the prick likes to treat her like one. She had ideas to share and contributions to make, but she is barely allowed to speak on those meetings. Stupid old fart.

She thought she could at least relax and enjoy a peaceful lunch, but one of her endearing, but clumsy coworkers bumped into her and dropped food all over her coat. He wouldn’t stop apologizing and offering to buy her a new lunch, which was more annoying than helpful. As she bought herself something from the convenience store across the street – not as good as her homemade lunch, but convenience store lunch is better than none – she reassured him that it’s okay, that coat was old and it’s too hot to be wearing it anyway.

Momoi told herself it couldn’t get any worse, but then another colleague creeped the hell out of some models by just talking to them – and Jesus Christ, just how much of sissies are those women? Imayoshi is kind of scary, yes, but he means no harm most of time and he _certainly_ wasn’t hitting on them, since he’s already in a relationship and he’s very faithful, thank you very much. – and of course Momoi had to fix the situation by calming down the hysterical girl that insisted that Imayoshi was some sort of demon.

When she finally solved all of those problems, she tried to get herself a cup of coffee to get back in the game, the coffee machine breaks. Not only she’s expected to function without coffee, a lot of jerks in the office start to complain about how that newbie chick broke the coffee machine. _Women, am I right_?

In such manner, yes, she’s already having it hard enough. Momoi is just heading to her favorite coffee shop for a break and she doesn’t think she’s asking for much. She doesn’t need a probably drunk man yelling at her:

“Hey, doll! What are you doing? Let’s hang out a bit!”

She rolls her eyes and quickens her pace, doing her best to ignore the obnoxious man. The last thing she needs right now is to get in trouble with a stranger.  She’s already having enough trouble because one of the main models of the campaign she was working on requested a few days off and that’s everything she didn’t need right now. He can’t be replaced – Momoi is not sure of what’s so special about him, but she does know that he has everything that makes a successful, popular model and that he’s the right man for the product they’re advertising. She was not told the reason why he was granted that selfish request, but she definitely is upset that her project is being put on-hold.

Momoi is contemplating her work problems when she feels a hand being firmly wrapped around her arm. She jumps, startled, when she realizes the creeper have crossed the street. God damn it.

“Why the rush, honey? Didn’t hear me calling?”

His breath smells like cheap beer and the way he undresses her with his eyes is terrifying, but she will not show weakness. She makes sure to keep her expression neutral and raises her chin as she confidently says:

“Please, let go of me.” Her voice is polite, but cold. She doesn’t sound as scared as she feels.

“C’mon, babe, don’t be like that.” The creeper grins. Momoi feels her stomach dropping. “Let’s not play hard to get, right?”

At that, she wants to scream. She should have kicked him on the groin and yelled that no means no. But she doesn't want any trouble. Instead of teaching the guy some manners, she repeats:

“Let go of my arm. _Please_.”

At this point, her hopes of getting out of this peacefully are dim. She’s already replaying carefully in her mind the self-defense lessons she got from Aomine. Use the heel of your hand or your elbows. Avoid hitting the face, aim for the gut or the stomach or the groin… and stomp on his feet? Wait, was this Aomine’s self-defense lesson or something she saw in a movie? Oh God, if she at least had had one cup of coffee…!

“Listen, honey…”

“Sakura-chan!” Someone calls, startling both Momoi and her attacker. A tall, blond man approaches them. He’s beautiful – the sparkling kind of beautiful, not really Momoi’s type – and he gives them the brightest o the smiles. Is he mistaking her for another person? “Who’s your friend?”

The man stops close to them. Momoi suddenly recognizes him: it's Ryouta Kise, the model she was worrying about earlier.

“I… huh…” She trails off, confused. Kise turns his blinding smile to her and his eyes say clearly _Play along_. “I mean, he’s not my friend.”

“Is that so? In that case, could you please let go of my friend, sir?”

“And who the fuck are you?” The creeper barks, tightening the grip on Momoi’s arm. She lets out an indignant noise.

“Let _go_!” She insists.

“ _Hey_.” Kise calls and both Momoi and the creeper look, because his voice is dripping authority. His polite smile is gone and his eyes are glimmering in a way that screams danger. “I’m having a _really_ bad day, buddy. And I’m going to take everything out on you if you don’t let go of the lady _right now_.”

The threat isn’t directed to her – as a matter of fact, it is supposed to help her – but Momoi shivers. The man drops her immediately, but Momoi finds herself frozen in place, both fascinated and scared of the man that just saved her.

“Sure, whatever!” The creeper mutters, clearly taken aback as he steps away. Kise glares at him until he’s at a safe distance before he turns his stare to Momoi. His expression is not frightening anymore, but concerned. Regardless, she can’t forget the shiver that went down her spine when he scared the drunk away.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kise asks. “I know you from work, don’t I? Sorry if I mistook you for someone else.”

“You… Oh.” She shakes her head, surprised that a model as popular as Ryouta Kise remembers her face. “I mean, yes, we work together. I’m Momoi. Satsuki Momoi, I mean.”

“Satsuki!” He smiles. She notices that he has bags under his eyes. “I just mixed up the flowers then. I’m Kise, by the way, although you probably already know that. But are you okay, Momoi-chan?”

“Yes, I am, thanks to you.” She smiles back. “Thank you so much!”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Anybody would have done the same.” He runs his fingers through his hair and chuckles softly.

He looked absolutely murderous just a few seconds ago, but now he seems simply helpless and tired. Momoi’s intuition tells her that this guy is, indeed, dangerous, but only to horrible people, like that drunk creeper. And also that he didn’t lie about having a bad day. Maybe the request of a few days off wasn’t so selfish, after all, and he actually has a good reason. With these thoughts in mind, Momoi blurts out:

“Kise-kun, can I buy you a coffee?”

He blinks, surprised. “Pardon?”

“Yes, you just saved me; I want to compensate you somehow.” She smiles sheepishly and watches as Kise scratches his nape. It’s barely noticeable, but she sees a hint of discomfort on his eyes. He probably thinks she’s flirting with him. “I mean, usually my boyfriend picks me up at work, but today I was going to get a coffee by myself and I’d be in serious trouble without you.”

That is just a big fat lie. She always goes home by herself, except on the rare days in which Aomine is nearby and shows to pick her up. She certainly doesn’t have a boyfriend either – her love life is actually much worse than that. But she does want to thank Kise somehow and she assumed that he got uncomfortable with the thought of being flirted with. If she notices that he’s still distressed, she’ll let it go and hope that she can show gratitude another time.

She’s about to suggest that it’s okay if he’s busy, she won’t insist, but her suspicions are easily confirmed, for Kise’s shoulders get visibly less tense when he hears the word _boyfriend_.

“Oh… If it’s just a coffee, then sure.” He smiles widely.

“Great!” She smiles back and starts walking again. Kise follows her. “I was already heading to my favorite coffee shop; it’s nice to have company.”

“I didn’t know there was a coffee shop around here.”

“Whaaat?”

And Momoi proceeds to describe the best salted caramel mocha in the entire world that is served on this little coffee shop and how she fell in love with it at the first sip. She wonders if Kise finds her weird, but he pays attention and listens to her making quick comments when it’s appropriate and smiling when she says something funny. By the time they reach the coffee shop, he still looks a little tired, but not as upset as before. The stiffness of his shoulders is almost gone.

He orders what she suggests and Momoi feels oddly prideful because of that. Maybe it’s because Aomine likes his coffee black and bitter and is always antagonizing her and her favorite sweet beverages. It’s nice to hang out with someone that agrees with her for a change.

And she finds out that she and Kise have more in common than expected when they sit down to appreciate their mochas and chat. He apparently knows how to appreciate sweet coffee, likes to go to places where he can dance and sing karaoke. Momoi learns that they watch almost all the same shows and have fun discussing the last episode of their favorite drama. Kise actually knows the actor that plays the protagonist and promises to introduce him to Momoi one of these days.

Their conversation easily takes a turn from getting to know each other to exchanging stories about their friends. Kise starts telling more about the actor friend, Kazunari Takao, whom he affectionately calls Takacchi, and how they often get in trouble when they hang out together because of Takao’s apparent inability to keep his mouth shut. He tells was one time in which the two of them were at the beach and heard some girl throwing shade at her boyfriend. Takao cackled up loudly, making the girl give them a bright smile, but the boyfriend (and his friends) became very angry. Momoi laughs at the idea of the talented idol Kazunari Takao and the popular model Ryouta Kise running from a group of buff angered guys at the beach.

In return, she tells him about her friends as well and how they can also be a handful. Kise hears her as she complains about the one time she tried to befriend some models only for Imayoshi to show up and creep them out so much they still avoid Momoi when they walk into each other at the agency. Or about how she still fears frogs because her so called best friend put one on her hear when she was just a child. Kise listens to her and sounds sympathetic when he replies.

Their coffees are long gone and they don’t even mind until Momoi notices that the people sitting on the next table had already been replaced two times. She looks at her watch and realizes that they had been talking for more than two hours.

“Ah, geez, it’s getting late. I got to go.”

“Oh.” Kise mutters and Momoi finds it endearing that he sounds disappointed. “Hey, can you give me your e-mail address? We have to keep in touch.”

She grins, thinking that the day wasn’t so bad after all and happy that she insisted on treating Kise some coffee. She pretty sure she loves this guy.

 

* * *

 

Momoi loves her apartment. She has lived there with Aomine and Kuroko since the their college time. The three of them had always been together, so it felt only natural to move in together as well on their transition to adult life. Those walls had seen a lot: the problems Aomine went through and Momoi and Kuroko’s steady support. The grieving phase after Kuroko’s grandfather’s death and Aomine and Momoi’s faithful company. Momoi’s issues with being taken seriously on her work and Kuroko and Aomine’s sincere encouragement. They had always been like that. A trio. Momoi, Aomine and Kuroko. Momoi is sure that their friendship will last forever and that apartment was where they lived the most intense part of it.

Nevertheless things change. Like Momoi’s feelings for Kuroko changed from easy friendship to a love so intense it hurt. Like Kuroko and Aomine’s relationship changed when Aomine dropped college. Like when Kuroko met Kagami and both Kuroko and Aomine changed – and for the better. And, more importantly, when everything changed so much that Kuroko decided that their apartment wasn’t his anymore and he wanted to take a step to a new moment of his life. A moment in which he is going to live with his boyfriend and possibly the love of his life.

Momoi isn’t bitter about. Or at least that’s what she tells herself. She loves Kuroko as a friend before anything else, and she wants to see him happy. And she thinks she tried to hate Kagami at some point, but he’s just too adorable. He deserves Kuroko – and it’s obvious that they love each other as much as it’s possible to love somebody else – and Momoi tells herself that she’s happy for them.

It still hurts, however, to see the man she’s in love with loving someone else. And it hurts even more to know that they’re growing up and that things aren’t going to be the same.

She gets it. She’s a grown woman and a very intelligent one, to be honest. She’s aware that she won’t always get what she wants and that everything can’t remain unchanged forever. That’s why she addresses to the elephant in the room that not only she, but also Aomine and Kuroko ignored for a long time: she confesses to Kuroko. She already knows the answer (it doesn’t make it hurt less) and Kuroko is gentle with her (she wishes he wasn’t) and Aomine lets her sleep on his bed and cry on his shoulder through the whole night (even though he’s in a bad position, since it’s his two best friends we’re talking about.)

Time is passing, though. She's healing. She's getting better. Living with Aomine only is not that bad, after all.

 

“Satsuki! Dinner!” Aomine yells and she jumps out of the couch, startled, almost dropping her phone.

“Coming! Geez, you don’t have to shout.”

“Yes, I do.” Aomine frowns upon seeing her entering the kitchen. “I called you, like, five times. You were on your phone, weren’t you?”

“Huh…”

“Who do you keep talking to?”

“None of your business.” She singsongs and she sets the table to eat – something that Aomine considers unnecessary since it’s just the two of them, but she enjoys doing it anyway.

Aomine rolls his eyes and decides to let it go and focus on his food. He’s not the easiest of the friends, but he has never been a meddler. Momoi can give him that.

She just started with her rice when she feels something buzzing in her pocket. Momoi fishes for her phone and almost chokes on her food when she unlocks the screen and is greeted by a snapchat of Kazunari Takao wearing some sort of green mud mask. The next snap is a rather shaky selfie of Kise running as he’s followed by a murderous green masked friend captioned with: “he gon incrsdilbile hulk”. Momoi snickers, wondering if she should reply to that.

“Okay, seriously, who are you talking to? You always be on that phone lately!” Aomine complains.

“It’s a friend I met a few days ago, you don’t know him.”

“If you met them a few days ago, how is this a friendship already?”

She rolls her eyes. It’s usually endearing to see Aomine worrying about her, but right now she finds a little annoying. It’s true that she has spent a lot of time exchanging texts and dumb pictures with Kise – and ignoring her old friends a little, and for that she admits being guilty – but who could really blame her?

Being part of a group of friends can be exhausting. She loves them, but it’s been months since Kuroko moved out (and she confessed) and everybody is still awkward around her, like she’s in eternal pain.

“That’s because he’s adorable. I’m going to introduce him to you, you’re going to love him.”

“I doubt that.”

“You don’t know anything about him!”

“I’ll probably hate him.”

“Why do you oppose so much to meeting new people? I remember when you first met Kagamin…”

“Why do you always bring that back?”

“You poured apple juice down his pants! On purpose!”

“He deserved it!”

And Momoi and Aomine fall on their usual banter, because what friends are for?

 

* * *

 

Momoi sits on the same table from two weeks ago and patiently waits until she sees a familiar tall man entering the coffee shop. Kise is wearing a hat and sunglasses, but she's observant enough to recognize him even before he waves at her. It's the second time they meet at that coffee shop at the same hour than before and she can feel a tradition being born.

"Momoi-chan, I'm sorry I made you wait!" Kise sighs, taking off his sunglasses as he sits with her. Momoi notices that there is glitter on his face and dark bags under his eyes.

"It's okay, I didn't wait long. How are you doing, Kise-kun?"

"Not bad, not bad." He smiles gingerly. It's not hard for her to notice how forced that smile is. "You?"

"Are you sure? You don't look so hot."

Kise gasps and theatrically cover his mouth with his hand. "How dare you! I’m hot all the time!"

She laughs and decides not to push the subject, confident that Kise will tell her what his tired look is about if he feels like he needs to. Momoi is not sure of why she trusts him this much. It's just her intuition, probably.

Instead of inquiring about Kise's apparent bad mood, Momoi tells him about how their boss asked Sakurai to do her work - which was, no need to say, a disaster. Sakurai can be efficient, but not when put under the spotlight and Momoi's job is all about talking to people. Sakurai ruined an important contract and both him and Momoi got scolded, which was totally unfair, since it was their boss' mistake. But Momoi doesn't waste Kise's time with how bewildered she was. Instead she just bashes her boss as much as she can and tells him how she can't wait for the day in which Imayoshi will take over.

"And I'm not even invited to our Halloween party, can you believe that?" She huffs. "A bunch of models in fantasies and good music and food and I won't be there!"

"That is absurdly unfair, that stupid boss of yours is probably just scared because you'd do a better job than him if you were on his position." Kise comments wisely as he takes another sip of his coffee.

"I know, right?" She sighs.

"Tell you what, I'm always invited and I'll take you as my plus one. I'll introduce you to some important people and you... You... Oh." Kise seems to deflate in the middle of his trail of thought. Suddenly the tiredness on his face is more evident than ever. "Never mind. Sorry, I can't do that. I forgot... I won't be here for Halloween."

"What? What do you mean by that? Are you going to travel or something?"

Kise gives her a hesitant look and bites his lower lip before blurting:

"I'm being deported."

Another moment of silence follows Kise's statement. He stares at Momoi, looking lost and helpless, his beautiful eyebrows furrowed and distress on his big eyes. She can only stare back as she tries to absorb the meaning of his words.

"No, you're not." She finally replies. "You can't be. Why would... Who... You're Japanese!"

"Technically, I am not." He sighs. "I was born and raised abroad until I came to live with my older sister here in Japan. I was supposed to just study here, but then she got me into modeling and I made friends and I ended up building a life here, you know? So in a way, I am Japanese, but... Not officially. And this month has been so freaking chaotic. I forgot to submit some very important papers and now I'm going to be deported."

"Oh my God, for how long did you know that?"

"I got my first warning on that day we met." Kise whines. "That's why I was so pissed off. My agent has been trying to work on something, but even he can't work around this. Long story short... I'm screwed."

The first thing that comes to Momoi’s mind is that she can’t lose her friend. It’s selfish, she knows it and she feels bad about it, but she can’t help it. Kise is one of the loveliest people she had ever met and, even though she just befriended him, it’s been incredibly good to have him in her life. Unlike her coworkers, he doesn’t think little of her for being a woman and he not even once looked at her like a piece of meat. Unlike her closest friends, he doesn’t look at her with pity for being rejected by the love of her life. He’s just a friend with whom she can talk, and vent, and have fun with. A hideaway that had comforted in a way that not even Aomine will ever be able to. Will their newborn friendship survive when they start living on different time zones?

“There is got to be a way! Your life is here, you’re a famous model and you got your work and your friends and… and… everything else!”

“You know how these things are.” Kise sighs, unhappy. Momoi notices that his eyes are teary and he looks away on a poor attempt to hide it. “Unless I… I get married or… I’ve been looking for holes and all the possibilities, but at this point I simply… gave up.”

Even without her egotistical needs, it breaks her heart to see Kise like that. This is the man that saved her from a potential rapist. The man that made her so happy for the past week. The man that listened to her problems and cheered her up with fun stories. She wants to get up, hug him and let him cry on her shoulder, but she knows that this would do nothing to solve his problems. Momoi needs to do something about it.

That’s when inspiration hits her hard.

“Kise-kun.” She says calmly, serious. “Why don’t you marry me?”

Kise looks at her, his expression empty. “Come again?”

“I asked… Why don’t you marry me?”

His chin actually drops. “Didn’t… Didn’t you say you have a boyfriend?”

“Did I?” She frowns and then she remembers. Momoi gives him an apologetic little smile. “Oh! Right. I sort of lied about that...? I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t hitting on you. The truth is that I’m so _boyfriendless_ that the guy I love is dating another man. So there, it’s perfectly acceptable for us to get married.”

“Momoi-chan, that’s…”

“Perfect.” Her eyes sparkle. Can’t he see the geniality of her plan? “You’re single, I’m single. I was looking for a new roommate anyway. I think we need to stay married for… what, three years? After that you’ll have permanent Japanese citizenship.”

“But that’s illeg-” Kise stops himself, clears his throat and leans in to whisper to her: “That’s illegal! If they find out, we’re both gonna be screwed!”

“We are not going to be found out.” She promises him. “My plans _always_ work, you’ll see.”

For a second, she wonders if she wasn’t being too hasty – this is an inconsequent idea, after all – but then she sees that Kise’s eyes are teary again and this time there is no sign of sorrow in his gaze. This time, Kise looks straight ahead with nothing but gratitude and hope sparkling in his irises.

“Would you really go that far? I mean… This is risky, you just met me and… and… This would totally save my ass.”

She grabs both of his hands. “So that means you agree? Will you marry me, Ki-chan?”

Some heads turn around when they hear the proposal. When Kise gets up and pulls Momoi to hug her tightly, everyone stares.

“Yes!” His voice cracks. “I’ll marry you, Momocchi!”

A round of applause bursts and everyone seems really confused, but in a pleasant way. The barista that flirted with Kise on the first time they came here seems disappointed, but offers them free commemorative drinks nonetheless.  They don’t have any rings and they don’t share a passionate kiss. The only proof that they’re engaged is the free coffee they just earned and a picture the barista takes with Kise’s phone.

But this is it. They’re both engaged to a person that they don’t love romantically nor feel any attraction whatsoever. There is a pair of identical glowing smiles on both of their faces.

“Momocchi, I can’t believe this. Do you really…?”

“Yes, yes, I really, really.” She laughs. This may seem rushed, but she’s sure that her plan is perfect except for… Well. Momoi’s grin dims a little. “Well, I think we should go home now, sweetheart. You need to meet your new brother-in-law.”


	2. Real life is not porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Aomine, for once, is the responsible one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the second chapter! As I write this, I wonder if I should put on the tags all the ships that are going to appear/be mentioned. Should I? There are so many, but they're very unimportant, so I'm not sure. More important than that, there are going to be so many friendships it's not even funny. Just watch me squeeze as much platonic fluff as I can. Fucking watch me.

Aomine hates the weird period between summer and fall in which the weather can’t decide if it’s going to be chilly or not. He went out wearing a jacket and his thickest T-shirt beneath the uniform because it was freezing when he left home, but then the cold went: “Nah, let me just screw up this man’s day” and decided to become heat. He’s sweating like a pig when he finally leaves work and there is no deity left unthanked when he enters home and starts stripping immediately .

He simple throws his clothes on the floor as he makes his way inside. As much as Momoi insists, he does not do that with the sole purpose of antagonizing her – although seeing his best friend going nuts over some pieces of clothes on the floor is kind of fun every now and then – he does it because it’s easier. It feels wonderful to kick of his shoes and walk shirtless around the house.

His biggest worry is what he’s having for dinner until he notices that there is a stranger sleeping on his couch.

Aomine stops walking and glares. The stranger sniffs on his slumber, but doesn’t wake up. And it isn’t just any stranger: it’s one of the most beautiful men Aomine had ever seen. He has long slender legs that Aomine can see that are muscular even covered by a pair of sweatpants. He’s wearing only a sleeveless white tee shirt that does little to hide the fact that the stranger is very well built and has a pair of athletic arms, sweet veins visible on the pale skin. And then there is his face. This guy must have the prettiest face on the entire world. His smooth skin is slightly flushed, a pair of soft looking lips letting out his calm breath. His nose is perfectly straight and fits perfectly that angelic face, and so does the pair of eyes with absurdly long lashes. Are those falsies? No? Is he like that naturally? And all of this perfection is finished by silky blonde hair that suits his face flawlessly. This guy looks like he just got out of one of Aomine’s idol magazines.

Now where did this guy come from? Aomine can only stare at him, baffled by how beautiful he is – one thing is to see this kind of person in magazines and another is to have such an inhuman beauty in front of him – and Aomine marvels about how wonderful it would be if this were a porn movie.

If this was porn, the beautiful man would wake up and give Aomine some half assed excuse on why he was there before giving Aomine the best head of all times.

Except that this is real life, not porn.

“Satsuki?” Aomine calls out, unable to tear his gaze away from the blond stranger.

Aomine hears somebody cursing from the bathroom and then the sound of a bunch of bottles being loudly knocked over. Momoi’s muffled voice replies something that he can’t understand, but he assumes that she’s coming soon with an explanation. He stays there, waiting, still unable to look away.

A couple of seconds later, he can hear his best friend stumbling her way out of the bathroom before appearing wrapped in nothing but a pink towel, her hair dripping water all over the floor.

“Dai-chan!” She exclaims breathlessly. “You’re home early!”

“Who’s this?” He deadpans, pointing at the couch.

“This is Ki-chan... I mean, Kise-kun.” She whispers a little nervously. “Please be quiet, he hasn’t slept in days. I’ll explain in a second, let me just... _Shit_!” She mutters under her breath as she trips again on her way to the bedroom.

Aomine turns his eyes to the blond man again. So this is definitely not porn, because the blond stranger is a friend of Momoi’s. And his name is Kise. Why does this name sound so familiar? Why does _his face_ look familiar? Aomine is pretty sure that he would remember if he had met such a stunning person before, but at the same time he can shake off the feeling the he saw Kise somewhere and forgot about it. He keeps staring, partially to enjoy the view, partially trying to remember (and partially hoping that Momoi will decide to leave so the situation can become actual porn.)

(Unfortunately) Momoi comes back less than five minutes later, now wearing clothes and with a towel firmly wrapped around her wet hair. She waves her hand, gesturing for Aomine to follow her to the kitchen to not disturb the sleeping perfect man.

“So…” She starts walking around hurriedly to put something in the microwave. “Kise-kun is my friend.”

“Yea, I figured that by myself.” Aomine sits down by the table. He wants to ask if her friend is single, but something in the anxious way that Momoi avoids his gaze makes him wait for more information before asking more questions.

“I met him a while ago and, huh… Remember that we wanted a new roommate?”

Now Aomine can see where this is going. Their apartment is perfect: a big, nice place that is near Momoi’s office and Aomine’s police station. Kuroko used to live with them, sharing a room with Aomine, but he decided to move in with his boyfriend, so Momoi and Aomine were left by themselves. Aomine missed Kuroko a little (not that he was going to admit that out loud) but it was kind of relieving not having Momoi and Kuroko living under the same roof, for various reasons. The biggest problem was that their amazing well-located apartment was now too expensive for the two of them only.

It’s been months since Kuroko left and, although Aomine and Momoi vaguely mentioned getting a new roommate, they never actively looked for one. There was some sort of taboo on the subject of replacing Kuroko. Aomine wonders if this is why Momoi looks so nervous.

Usually she only announces her decisions and forces him to do as she says. She’s almost always right, so he only pretends to argue (because he doesn’t want her to think she’s in charge) before accepting, like he’s doing her a huge favor. However he’s tired after working all the hottest day of the year, so he decides to not discuss this time.

“So he’s our new roommate?”

“Yeah…” She turns off the microwave and brings Aomine a serving of his favorite instantaneous lasagna. “But he’s a little more than that.”

Aomine hesitates before reaching for the fork. “Satsuki?”

Before she can reply, a musical voice comes from the living room: “Momocchi?”

Momoi jumps, startled, and answers: “I’m coming, Ki-chan!” before running back to the living room.

There is definitely something wrong here. Aomine ignores his lasagna and follows Momoi. On the couch, perfect blond is sitting up, finally awake. His face is a little flushed and his eyes are a little swollen, but as soon as Aomine’s stare meets the golden irises, he recognizes him.

“This is Ryouta Kise.” Aomine points out.

Kise stares at him for a second. His gaze follows from Aomine’s face to his bare torso and he mutters: “Holy shit.”

Aomine tries to not get cheeky about it, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that the first thing this gorgeous man had to say after seeing him was “holy shit.” He seriously wants to say “same” to Kise, but, if his suspicions are right, this guy is Momoi’s new boyfriend.  Aomine is no genius, but he’s not _that_ stupid either. Momoi has been texting someone a lot lately and then she shows up with a random beautiful guy telling that he’s their new roommate after clearly avoiding getting a new person to live with them.

Now he would not approve bringing her beau to live with them like that, especially considering what happened on the last time Momoi fell in love, but at this point he’d agree to anything just to see her moving on and being happy. Aomine already feels bad for feeling attracted to him.

“So you already know him.” Momoi sits by Kise’s side. Aomine wouldn’t call it “knowing someone” having one of his photoshoots on his porn collection, but he decides that it’s better not mention that. “Ki-chan, this is Daiki Aomine, whom I told you about. Dai-chan, this is Ki-chan, my… huh… fiancé.”

Silence.

“Right.” Aomine blinks, trying to put the situation under a logic light. “On the TV? You quit your shitty job and now you’re an actress and he’s going to play your fiancé?”

“Huh… no, we’re going to get married in real life.” She announces and Kise gives Aomine a look that can be both confused and concerned, as if he wasn’t ready to make this kind of announcement as soon as he woke up. Aomine doesn’t think he would ever be ready to any of that.

“That… doesn’t make any sense. Who’s this guy anyway? Where did you meet him? _When_ did you meet him?”

“Huh…” Momoi looks at Kise, at loss, and he immediately understands what she wants.

“So… Aomine-kun, right? Momocchi told me a lot about you.”

“Well, that makes one of us, because I never heard about you from her at all!” Aomine barks and Kise flinches a little.

“Alright, let me explain our situation. Momocchi and I are close friends and she is… how can I put this? Doing me a favor? Right. She’s doing me a huge favor and we’re getting married as friends.”

Aomine glares at him, his mouth hanging open. He wishes Kise wasn't that pretty, because not only what he’s saying makes zero sense, his face sure is distracting. Aomine can’t concentrate. However, in his defense, he probably wouldn’t understand shit even if he was able to fully focus.

“Satsuki. Seriously, what the fuck?”

For weeks – weeks! – Aomine wished that Momoi would move on. He deeply wished that she would go out and meet other people and get rid of the unrequited feelings she had for so long. Although he felt a little jealous at first, he was ready to try and accept it, because if there is someone that deserves dating the most beautiful model in the world, this someone is Momoi. However marriage as friends – and what the fuck does that even mean? – is something Aomine cannot condone.

“Ugh, we should have started from the beginning: Aomine-kun, I’m being deported unless I marry a Japanese woman, so Momocchi offered to marry me.”

“Yeah, and we thought you would accept it better if we told you like this. Did it work?”

Aomine needs a few seconds staring at his friend to fully digest what she just said. Marriage. Fake marriage to a guy she’d just met to save his ass.

“Satsuki, what the _fuck_?!” He repeats, with more emphasis this time. “How can you get some random dude on the street and accept to marry him?”

“It was my idea!” Momoi also raises her voice. “Ki-chan is my friend and I can help him, so I don’t see why…”

“Because that is illegal, Satsuki!” Aomine barks. “This isn’t a fucking Disney movie, you could go to jail! I should arrest the two of you right here and right now!”

“Oh my God, you cannot arrest us!” She throws her hands in the air before turning to Kise, that went pale, and reassuring him: “He can’t arrest us.”

“If I don’t, someone else will! Fuck, Satsuki, why would you agree to something like this? You’re supposed to be smarter.”

“I told you already, this was my idea!” She glares at him, determined.

He hates it when Momoi gets stubborn like this. It’s annoying when she’s right, but now that she's so utterly wrong it’s just seriously concerning. Aomine gives Kise a dirty look and the son of a bitch has the audacity to look down as if he’s ashamed of all of this. Aomine wants to ask how this manipulative piece of shirt managed to fool Momoi of all people, but upon seeing his pretty face frowning in distress, even Aomine feels the urge to comfort him.

Except that he doesn’t trust this Kise guy. At all.

“Satsuki, this is…” Aomine trails off in the middle of a (very convincing) argument, because suddenly he knows why. What have been motivating anything Momoi done on the past weeks? “This is about Tetsu.”

Kise raises his gaze, looking confused, but Momoi’s shoulders tense up and Aomine knows that he’s right.

“You want a fiancé to rub on Tetsu’s face.” Aomine keeps talking and watches Momoi’s lips turning into a sharp, tight line. “You want to do that so bad that you even agreed to this insane plan… Even though it’s illegal, you… God damn it, Satsuki! Are you serious now?”

She turns her face away and mutters something under her breath.

“Momocchi?” Kise calls, cautiously.

When Momoi turns to Aomine again, her face is colored with angry blotches of red, her eyes sparkling with fury – and tears – as she snarls:

“ _Maybe_! Maybe I do want Tetsu-kun to think I have a fiancé! Maybe I decided to marry Ki-chan because I want Tetsu-kun to stop treating me like a bother! Maybe I want Kagamin to stop looking at me with pity. Because they never will unless they think I moved on and I can never really be your friend if you don’t treat me like a friend!”

Aomine tries to look smaller under her anger. “Listen, Satsuki…”

“No, _you_ listen, Daiki!” She gets up and stomps her foot violently. “Do you know why I love Ki-chan so much? Because unlike you, that is supposed to be like a brother to me, he doesn’t look at me as if I am a stupid girl with a crush! He doesn’t treat me as I my whole life is about my feelings for Tetsu-kun, which is more than any of you ever done, so _excuse me_ if I refuse to let him be _deported_!”

Her voice cracks horribly on the last word and then she seriously bursts in tears.

“Ah, no, Momocchi, don’t cry!” Kise wails and throws his arms around her. Momoi buries her face on the crook of his neck (and Aomine is not envious, not at all).

“I’m sorry I have s-selfish reasons, Ki-chan!” She cries. “I’m s-sorry! But I do want to h-help you!”

“I know, I know, it’s okay, so don’t cry.” Kise strokes her head before glaring at Aomine, as if it was his fault that she’s crying her eyeballs out.

Which, well, it kind of is, but it’s not like he was in the _wrong_.

“Satsuki, I… You…" God, he can't concentrate when she's bawling like that. What is he supposed to do? "Hey, it's not like... listen, you..." Kise gives him yet another dirty look. _You're making everything worse._ "FINE!" Aomine barks, getting up. "Go ahead! Break the law! See if I care!"

And he angrily stomps his way to his bedroom, slamming the door violently after him.

* * *

 

"Momocchi, it's okay..." Kise promises as he pets her hair. "Please don't cry..."

"Ki-chan..." She murmurs and her voice sounds less wobbly than it was a few seconds ago. Momoi straightens her back and look at Kise, her expression empty of any emotion. "Rule number one of dealing with Dai-chan: you can get away with anything if you cry hard enough."

Kise blinks slowly, taking a few more seconds to actually understand what Momoi said. She was never crying for real, to begin with!

"Momocchi, you little devil!"

She chuckles, but quickly covers her mouth with her hands and looks around to see if Aomine hasn't returned. When she turns to Kise again, there is a playful little grin on her beautiful face, no signs of sorrow left.

"I'm sorry." She says nonetheless. "Dai-chan can be pretty difficult, especially around strangers, but he can be reasonable most of the time. He'll understand."

"Wasn't he being reasonable just now?" Kise asks, pulling a face. "What we're doing _is_ illegal, Momocchi. And you could have given me a little warning that your friend is a cop."

"Don't." She slaps him lightly on the shoulder before breaking their hug apart. "We're going to do this. What I said to Dai-chan... Well, it wasn't entirely a lie, so there is something for me in this too."

Only when Momoi lets go of him, Kise realizes that he wasn't uncomfortable.

Well, Aomine had made him nervous. It isn't everyday that you wake up to such a hot guy giving you that threatening look - which honestly made something inside him flip, what the hell is that guy? - but that's not the problem here. Usually it makes him nervous to touch any woman that is not his sister. When his model colleagues hug him suddenly without permission, there is something lustful about the contact that makes Kise restless. But hugging Momoi? It felt exactly the same as hugging his sister that he misses so much all the time.

"Momocchi, do you know that you're a literal angel?"

She chuckles again. "C'mon, now that you're up let's eat something. You need to be well-fed because we'll have to tell Dai-chan that you two are sharing a room."

 


	3. No one trusts players when they try to settle down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise gives his friends some great news. Everyone is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Poteto, you said you have lots of chapters ready, how come you haven't updated in three weeks?"  
> Pff. It's not like I forgot to. Not at all.

If you had asked Aomine a couple of days ago if he’d like to share his room with a model, the answer would have been an enthusiastic “Hell yes!”

Now that he’s living a situation that could have come out from his teenage wet dreams, he learns once again that reality is never as delightful as his imagination.

Kise brought with him a ridiculous large amount of luggage that easily fills every inch of the old wardrobe that used to belong to Kuroko before he left – because apparently Satsuki and Kise had unpacked Kise’s things before Aomine arrived home even though they didn’t know if Aomine was going to agree with their terrible plan – and he also occupies Kuroko’s old bed. Kise should consider himself lucky that Kuroko is now sharing both a bed and a closet with Kagami or else he’d find himself sleeping on the couch and covered in a pile of his own clothes. Actually Aomine is still considering kicking him out of the bedroom. (He doesn't, though, because Kise also brought with him a big TV and a Play Station 4 and Aomine will get to play with them once Kise isn't home.)

Unlike Aomine’s wild dreams, Kise doesn’t sleep in the nude or wearing some sexy outfit. To bed, he wears sweatpants and a worn out band T-shirt so ancient that Aomine can’t read the band name.  He doesn’t even wears a weird face mask for comic relief; he just takes a quick shower and walks out of the bathroom wearing his lame pajamas and lies on Kuroko’s bed, ready to get some rest. Aomine doesn’t answer Kise’s shy “Good night” just because he doesn’t want to. He won’t give in that easily and make Kise feel like he’s welcome here, because he’s not.

What was Momoi thinking? To bring a stranger home and _marry_ him…! This doesn’t sound like Momoi at all. She is supposed to be mature and intelligent and stop Aomine from doing dumb things, not the other way around!

On that night, Aomine finds himself unable to sleep. He doesn’t even remember the last time he couldn’t rest at night – he considers sleeping his biggest specialty – and he blames Kise for that. Daiki Aomine is many things, but an insomniac isn’t one of them. How dare this guy bother him so much that he becomes unable to freaking sleep at night? What an absurd.

As he rolls on the bed, he glances at his new roommate from time to time. It’s dark and the can barely discern a lump of blankets on the bed beside his, but he concentrates as much hatred on his stare as he can, hoping that it will give Kise nightmares. He can’t believe this homewrecker is peacefully sleeping as Aomine is too stressed out to do so. He had never been in a position to be the responsible one. Not with Momoi. And it’s true that she’s very good at judging people and too smart to be fooled by anyone – and, if Aomine is completely honest, he doesn’t think that this Kise guy is too bad – but the whole plan seems stupid and risky and just plain awful.

Aomine doesn’t know when he fell asleep, but he wakes up after what feels like seconds. His alarm didn’t go off yet, but he doesn’t bother turning it off even after he gets up. Kise is still asleep and Aomine glares daggers at him before heading to the bathroom. He follows his usual morning routine, except that today he isn’t simply thinking of how bad he wants to go back to sleep. He’s trying to think of a way to make Momoi give up on her plan. And maybe to kick Kise out, because Aomine wants to hate him really bad, but he can’t truly hate someone that is that good looking and it’s making him pissed.

He’s already in the kitchen fixing himself a cup of coffee when he hears his alarm going off followed by muffled cursing. He smirks to himself, sipping his coffee lightly. His alarm is a really loud one – it takes a lot to get him out of bed – and the fact that it bothered Kise pleases him. Sweet revenge.

A couple of minutes later, Kise appears in the kitchen. He already changed into more fashionable clothes and his hair looks flawless, as if he’s ready to go out and go wherever. The fact that Kise is able to get ready so fast and so perfectly has Aomine pissed off again.

“Ah… Good morning, Aomine-kun.”

Aomine childishly looks away and grunts something in response, focusing too much attention into pouring some milk in his cereal bowl.

“Hm… Look, yesterday we started with the wrong foot.” He hears Kise shifting on his feet. “I know that you don’t trust me, but if possible I’d like very much if the two of us could get along well.”

Aomine gapes at him, expecting him to back off. Surprisingly, Kise sustains his glare and his fidgety expression becomes a pout that should look ridiculous in a grown man, but  it looks adorable on him.

“Come on! Just give me a chance!”

“Well, shit, I’d give you a chance if you were not trying to make my best friend do something illegal!”

Kise pulls a face and he’s about to argue when they are interrupted by a yawning Momoi entering the room. She’s wearing her most hideous nightwear: the one Aomine call’s grannie nightie because it’s nothing but an old, worn out cotton dress with a flower pattern. It’s twice Momoi’s size. She must really trust Kise if she’s capable of wearing that thing in front of him. Hell, she never wore it even in front of Kuroko, and they lived together for years!

“Good morning, boys.” She mutters, looking for the coffeemaker with eyes still half closed. “We’re not fighting again, are we?”

“Momocchi!” Kise whines. “Aomine-kun is being mean even though I’m nicely asking him to be my friend.”

Momoi gapes at Aomine, but she looks anything but threatening while wearing that stupid nightie.

“Look, Dai-chan, Ki-chan lives here now.” She says as she pours coffee to herself. “You should try and get along with your roommates. And he’s going to be my husband and everything! You should be extra nice to him.”

“I’m going to be nice to him if you give up on that husband part.”

Momoi lets out a heavy sigh and sits by Aomine’s side. Kise pouts a little more and walks to the fridge, probably to look for something for his own breakfast.

“Dai-chan, if I give up Ki-chan is going to be deported and I can’t have that. You should be supportive.”

“I’m not going to support your terrible plan.”

“It’s my plan! My plans are never terrible! You should know that better than anyone else!”

“Satsuki, you barely know this guy! They’re going to ask questions and when the two of you get all of them wrong, he’s going to be sent straight back to wherever the hell he came from and you are going to jail.”

That’s not exactly Aomine’s field, but he had done some research after their conversation yesterday. (Daiki Aomine. Doing research. Look at how low he has sunk!) He found out that Momoi and Kise are going to be followed around by a social agent or something and there are going to be lots of interviews and investigations.

Kise sits in front of Aomine holding a glass of soy orange juice and gives Momoi an upset look. She smiles reassuringly at him and then at Aomine.

“What makes you think that we’re going to get them wrong?” She asks calmly.

“Satsuki. You barely know each other.”

“That’s what you think!” She grins. “Try us. Ask us some questions. We got everything covered.”

Now it’s personal. He wants to wipe that annoying smug grin of her face just as much as he wants to make her give up on her engagement. He should know better than betting against Momoi, but this is the first time he’s right, so he might as well fight her.

“Fine! How will you explain that none of your friends ever heard of your fiancé? Because they’re going to question your friends as well.” He shots.

“Ki-chan is a celebrity.” Momoi replies without missing a beat.  “We agreed that our relationship would be bad for his career, so we kept it a secret. Even our marriage will be very discreet, only closest friends will know about it.”

Of fucking course she got that covered. Aomine should know that winning against Momoi isn’t that easy. He decides then to attack Kise and turns his sharp glare to the model.

“You! Where are Satsuki’s parents?”

“Gone.” Kise says immediately. “Car accident about… five years ago? It was before Momocchi and I met, anyway.”

“When is her birthday?”

“Momocchi is a Taurus! Her birthday is on May 4th!”

“What does she dislikes?”

“That’s too vague! But... Well, if I have to make a list, I'd say she dislikes spicy food and frogs and clothes that are too tight. She also doesn’t like to be belittled, but no one likes that, so… Ah, she also doesn’t like her boss.”

“Why doesn’t she like him?”

“Because he’s the biggest, stupidest sexist idiot on the world! He won’t recognize Momocchi’s value even though she’s far more capable than he is!”

“What’s Satsuki favorite hobby?”

“Collecting bath bombs.”

“Her favorite color?”

“Peach-pink.”

“The name of her first dog?”

“Momocchi never had a dog, her mother was allergic. Your former roommate had one, though, what was its name again? Nigou or something?”

“Huh… what is… I don’t fucking know, her favorite drama?”

“Heartstrings.”

That one even Aomine didn’t know. He gives Momoi a dirty look, his frown deepening when he sees that her cocky smile only grew upon hearing Kise’s quick responses.

“How the fuck does he know so much about you?”

“We did our homework!” She singsongs. “You should know that I don’t do anything half-assed, Dai-chan. You can ask me anything about Ki-chan as well. I’ll know it. We’re in perfect harmony.”

Kise nods solemnly. “Best couple ever.” 

Momoi high-fives him.

Aomine makes a disgusted noise.

“I’m going to take a shower before actual breakfast.” Momoi announces, finishing her cup of coffee. “You boys behave while I’m away.”

She ruffles Kise’s hair as she passes by and he chuckles. He freaking chuckles. Who _does_ that in real life?

“Well, I need to go too.” Kise gulps the rest of his juice. “My manager is going to kill me if I arrive late for today’s shoot.”

Aomine keeps focused on his cereal bowl and deliberately ignores Kise as he gets up and carefully washes his glass. He’s decided to ignore the model until he notices Kise is leaving the kitchen already. The words escape from his lips without thinking:

“Wait, where are you going?”

Kise turns to Aomine again, eyebrows rising. “I’m going to work…?”

“You didn’t have breakfast yet. You just drank juice.”

The pair of golden eyes widens. “Oh.” There is a pause and Kise looks at loss for a second. “That’s… I don’t feel that good if I eat this early.”

“So you just go out without eating?”

“Aomine-kun.” And now Kise’s smile is definitely cold. “Why do you care about my eating routine?”

Aomine is taken aback by both Kise’s icy tone and the question. Kise is right. This is none of his business.

“I don’t.”

“Good. Then I’ll get going. I’ll be back later.”

As he watches the blond leave – Aomine is not staring at his butt, not at all – Aomine thinks to himself that he probably touched a subject that should not be mentioned.

* * *

Kise is sure of what he wants to do. He and Momoi have a plan. It might be a risky plan, but what’s life without a little danger? He’ll stick to the plan and it’s going to work. One day in the future, he’ll be laughing about it with his Japanese friends while still living in Japan. _Remember that one time I married Momocchi to get Japanese citizenship? Ahaha… Those were the good times. It was fun and exciting and no one went to jail_ … And Kise keeps fidgeting on the passenger’s seat, uneasy. He’s on his way to work, which usually helps him to calm down – to disconnect form real life problems or his personal life and incorporate his easygoing and cheerful model persona – but today he finds it hard to let go of his worries.

“Kise.” Akashi calls without tearing his gaze from the road. “What did you do this time?”

At that, Kise pulls a face. Akashi has been his manager for a long time and Kise would never ask for anyone better than him. Kise’s popularity had increased dramatically after Akashi personally started to handle his career, not to mention how he was able to keep Kise’s schedule full and sane at the same time.  More than that, Akashi is a friend. Somebody that Kise can rely on. Except that sometimes Akashi sounds a lot more like a cool father that Kise really, really doesn’t want to disappoint.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Kise pouts.

“When do you ever?” Akashi sighs. “You have guilt written all over your face, do you know that? As great as you are as a model, you’re a terrible actor. Just tell me already whatever you done so I can fix it.”

“You make it sound like I’m always getting in trouble and asking you to clean up my mess.”

“Oh, wasn’t that on my contract?”

Akashi isn’t quite smiling, but his lips do look a little curled up and there is some kind of softness on his gaze. He’s kidding, of course, obviously trying to get Kise a little more comfortable, but that somewhat makes Kise even more nervous. He really doesn’t want to trouble Akashi. First because he likes Akashi and second because if Akashi gets angry… Well. Angry Akashi isn’t as pleasant to be around. Kise stays silent until they hit a red light, because he doesn’t want Akashi to crash his car.

“I’m engaged.”

Akashi’s head whips towards Kise, that glares outside the window, trying his best to pretend he doesn’t feel his manager shooting daggers at him with the eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“I-I’m engaged, okay?” Kise finally manages to stare back. “I asked someone to marry me and they said yes!”

“Ryouta.” Akashi starts and that’s how Kise knows he’s doomed. If Akashi’s calling him by the first name, it’s not the nice Akashi he’s facing anymore. It's the I'm-about-to-get-mad-Akashi. “You were not seeing anyone. You haven’t even got laid for the past three months. Also I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for you to get married, so-”

“Oh my God! I won’t even ask how you know when the last time I got laid was!” There is a beat before Kise realizes what he just said and he curses himself. He clears his throat and tries again: “I mean...  not that it’s correct, anyway. I’ve been seeing her for quite a while and I decided I want to make things official, so…”

“Her?” Akashi raises a brow. Kise feels his face heating up.

“Yes, her, Momocchi, my fiancé.”

Kise and Akashi start a glaring contest that would most likely result in Kise’s loss if they weren’t startled and interrupted by a loud honk from the car behind them. The light is green again. Akashi starts driving.

“Is this the girl you’ve been meeting lately? The one you met, what, two weeks ago?” Before Kise can protest and swear that he met Momoi actually years earlier, Akashi lets out a small exclamation when he’s hit by the realization. “This is about your little problem with the immigration?”

 “I wouldn’t call it little.” Kise mumbles. “And no, I’m in love, okay? You’ll get it when you meet her.”

Of course, Akashi pretends he didn’t hear anything: “This is bad, Ryouta. Not only you’re the worst liar on the universe, they will investigate you. They will interview your friends and find out soon enough that no one ever heard of this girl…”

“That because we hid it! Since I’m a celebrity, it would be bad for my popularity if I got married, right? Momocchi and I met because of our work, so she understands. Now that we decided to marry each other, we’re telling everything to our closest friends, but we’re still going to need a little discretion…”

That makes Akashi tear his eyes away from the road for a second and give Kise a surprised look. The expression on his face makes Kise a little smug. Not many people around them can say they’re able to do something Akashi didn’t predict.

“That… is actually a good plan.” Akashi admits, turning his attention back to the way they’re going. “Did she come up with it? I’m positive that an idea this good can’t have come from this head of yours.”

“Oh my God, rude! That was so, so rude, Akashicchi!”

“I’ll give you the benefit of doubt because I couldn’t think of a better way to help you. But I want to meet this fiancé of yours before I give my final word. She seems smart, but I want to make sure she’s not fooling you as well.”

“Your final- Akashicchi! You can’t tell me who I can or can’t marry!”

Akashi raises an eyebrow at him as he parks the car. “Of course I can’t, unless she’s not suited for you. We’ll talk about this on dinner, okay? Now we have work to do.”

He had learned years ago that going against Akashi is almost never worth it. Except for that one time he and Takao ganged up during the popcorn incident, because that was so much fun. There were several broken limbs, two very angry chickens and one traumatized Midorima afterwards, but… Well, _okay_ , maybe it _is_ never worth it to go against Akashi, but that doesn’t mean that Kise is satisfied with it. He never liked being bossed around.

Annoyed that he has no means or reason to disobey, he do as Akashi says, leaving the car and following him to start his work for the day.

Having informed Akashi about his plans, Kise is relieved enough to focus on his job. He’s pleased to hear that Takao and Himuro are there too. Lately rumors were spread that Takao and Kise are close friends – which is true – and more and more companies have been requesting the two of them together for their publicity campaigns. Takao would rather focus on his musical career, of course, but he doesn’t complain about the attention he’s getting. Even though it launched a wave of weirder rumors about their relationship through the internet, that is. Kise also doesn’t mind. He thinks this is show business after all, and he avoids looking up content about himself because most of it is kind of creepy. On the other hand, it’s nice to work with his friends around.

They’re able to sit down and have a nice chat during breaks and that’s what he does as soon as the photographer announces one. Kise drags Takao and Himuro with him to the cafeteria – mostly to avoid Akashi’s constant concerned stares – but he should have thought this through better.

They occupy a table together and Takao and Himuro order each a sugarless juice. Kise orders a hot chocolate, because if anything he deserves a treat, even though it causes Himuro to huff in an annoyed manner and mumble about how irritating people that don’t need to go on diet. Kise scowls and they are about to fight, because _what_ _does Himuro know_? Sensing the storm coming, Takao intervenes:

“Say, Kise. Why was Akashi-san acting like he had a headache and you were the source of it?”

Kise pulls a face. Of course Takao would notice. Takao notices everything all the time with those freakishly observant eyes of his, so even Akashi is unable to fool him. He had thought that telling the big news to his manager was enough confrontation for a day, but maybe it’s better to tell everyone at once. Himuro and Takao are his friends and they’ll have to learn the truth at some point, so he might as well dump everything today, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

“Akashicchi wasn’t completely happy with the news I had for him.”

“What news?” Himuro asks politely, but not sounding really interested. In fact, as he speaks, he fishes his phone from his pocket and starts typing something.

“Well… I’m engaged now.”

Takao chokes loudly on his juice and Himuro simply drops his phone on the ground. The two of them give Kise perplexed looks – although Takao’s is a little ruined by the orange juice still dripping from his chin.

“What do you mean _engaged_?” He asks in a baffled tone.

“Do you know what engaged means?” Himuro gives him a sympathetic look, as if he’s patiently explaining something to a kid. “It means you agreed to marry someone.”

“I know what it means!” Kise gapes at them, annoyed. “I am getting ma-” Kise stops himself and looks around. There’s no one paying attention to them, fortunately. He turns to his friends again and continues in a lower volume: “I know what it means and yes, I’m getting married.”

“We thought you were… Hm…” Himuro looks at Takao, requesting help.

“Afraid of commitment? Against relationships? A player? A man whore? ” Takao offers.

“Hm… I was going to say “not seeing anyone right now” actually.”

“Look, I’ve been seeing her for quite a while, okay? But we kept it a secret because of my career. Even now we’re just going to tell our closest friends and stuff, so I need you two to keep it a secret.”

Takao and Himuro exchange a concerned look.

“What now?”

“Did you just say… her?” Takao asks.

Kise bite his lower lip. He knows Takao since high school and he first met Himuro just a little after, but he was still a reserved person. Even with the two of them, Kise always avoided saying too much about his personal business. His love life was no different. As far as Himuro and Takao were concerned, Kise never really _dated_ anyone. They only heard of sporadic cases with nameless people and never with many details. Kise can understand why they’re so shocked. It doesn’t mean that he’s not going to pretend that this is normal.

“Well, yes?” He lifts his chin. “I’m a man, so I’m marrying a woman. Is that what you’re surprised about? I met a girl! She’s nice! I’m in love with her, so I’ll marry her! What’s the big problem?”

His sudden love declamation sounds empty even to himself. His two friends stare at each other again and Kise starts to fidget on the same spot. He hates it when Himuro and Takao start having telepathic conversations that he’s not part of.

“Sorry, Ryouta.” Himuro finally says and smiles. It’s his model smile, not a sincere one, which means he’s still worried, but he doesn’t want to hurt Kise’s feelings. Himuro is almost always very diplomatic. He gently pats Kise on the shoulder. “You just caught us off guard. But if you’re happy, then we’re happy for you.”

“Off guard!” Takao scoffs. “If you think our reaction was bad, wait until Shin-chan hears about you being engaged to a woman he never met. He’s going to freak out.”

Kise groans, but starts to smile. “Midorimacchi thinks he’s my mom.”

“Well, _somebody_ has to be our mom.” Takao huffs.

His smile falters. Himuro elbows Takao on the ribs.

“Ugh- Oh. Sorry, Kise, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine!” Kise cuts him off, giving them his brightest – and fakest – smile. “But hey, can you guys drop by next Friday? We’re having an engagement party. Well, not a party, actually, it’s just a dinner for our closest friends to celebrate that we’re getting married.”

“I can’t.” Himuro says sadly, looking honestly sorry. “I already have an appointment.”

“Well, I’ll go.” Takao announces. “I’ll record Shin-chan’s reaction for you, Himuro-san.”

Kise groans, because yes, Midorima is probably going to kill him. And on top of that two of his best friends are suspicious of his apparent relationship. Kise remembers what Aomine said about their friends being questioned as well. Akashi already knows. Himuro and Takao are going to figure everything out as soon as the immigration people approach them. And this was supposed to be a secret. Kise hopes from the bottom of his heart that no one will try to question Midorima. He is as intelligent as Himuro and Takao, of course, but not as willing to lie to the authorities.

Soon their break is over and they’re called back to the studio to fix their make-up. While he waits for his turn, Kise buries his face on his hands and wonders why everything must be so complicated.


	4. As lucky as we get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coincidences (and shit) happens. (And Kise's past comes back to bite him in the ass)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started working last week and boy, was I lazy while editing this.
> 
> And if you don't know what the Putin song is... [Here you go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6yna9dWf_A).

The immigration office isn’t that different of the office in which Momoi works. Maybe it has less abstract paintings hanging on the walls and certainly there are no pictures of famous models framed anywhere, but other than that it’s pretty similar. The almost familiar ambient makes her calm down a little. As they sit together, she grabs Kise’s hand for reassurance nonetheless. He gladly holds hers back and seems pretty grateful for the contact. Both of them are nervous and uncomfortable, but they’re doing their best to hide it. She is almost sure that she’s doing a better job than Kise is.

“Ryouta Kise-san?” A man’s voice calls, making Kise stiffen by her side.

Momoi gently squeezes his hand on an attempt to make him less uneasy. It doesn’t work. Kise swallows hard before answering in a weird high-pitched tone:

“Yes?”

“I just checked your case.” The man – a brown haired guy that earlier introduced himself as Ishida – approaches them checking a pile of papers. “You’ve been assigned to a Green Card interviewer that will follow your process. Haizaki’s going to see you in a moment.”

Kise tenses up even more. “I’m sorry… Did you just say Haizaki?”

“Yes.” Ishida lifts his eyes from the papers and glares at Kise. “Is there a problem?”

“Nope. No problem at all.”

Raising a brow, Ishida nods and walks to his own office room, leaving Momoi and Kise alone again in the waiting room. She stays quiet until the sound of Ishida’s steps disappear and then turns to Kise and murmurs:

“What _is_ the problem?”                                              

“Nothing!” Kise fidgets nervously on his seat. “I mean… I met a Haizaki once. The only Haizaki I’ve ever met, actually. We, huh, had a thing. A romantic thing, you know?”

“Oh my God, the Green Card interviewer is your _ex_?”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so? There are thousands of Haizakis around the world, right?”

“Right.” Even though the probability of such a coincidence is extremely low, Momoi finds herself getting more and more agitated again. “Well… And even if it was your ex, it’s not like she’s some crazy obsessed girl that never moved on, right?” She chuckles nervously.

Kise looks away.

“Oh my God. Ki-chan. Tell me that your ex-girlfriend isn’t some kind of psycho.”

“Of course not!” There is a brief pause. “But… how do I put this…? Haizaki isn’t… a woman. Momocchi, I’m gay.”

Momoi goes pale. “ _What_.”

“I said I’m gay. Like, gay, gay, gay. I like long, big-”

“Don’t sing the Putin song to me, you dork!” Momoi slaps him on the shoulder with her free hand. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? Who else knows about this?”

“Nobody! That is… I don’t talk about my sexual life with anyone usually, but, huh… Since I used to hook up with Haizaki all the time, he kind of knows it?”

Momoi has to suppress the urge to fall on the floor and curl up in fetal position. But she hasn’t gone this far in life by giving in to pressure. She has always been known for being the strongest among her friends. Instead of freaking out, she takes a deep breath and tries to speak normally.

“It’s okay. Bisexual people are a thing, right? It’s not because you identified as gay when you dated this guy that you have to spend the rest of your life liking only men, right? Sexuality is fluid and stuff.”

Kise looks at her as if he’s about to cry.

“It’s okay!” She repeats, even though her voice sounds tight. “We got this. Don’t forget what I said about how to lie and we’re going to be fine! And there is no way the person responsible for our case is your ex. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Kise nods nervously and she tries to smile in an encouraging manner. They’re still holding each other’s hands and Kise’s feel a little cold and sweaty. A voice within Momoi’s head that sounds alarmingly like Aomine’s tells her that this is not going to work. She brushes off the intrusive thoughts and tries her best to stay focused on the character she has to play now. She is Satsuki Momoi, a young woman who fell in love with Ryouta Kise and secretly dated him for months before deciding to get married and form a family. That isn’t too difficult to imagine, after all she always wanted a family. Sure, she wouldn’t actually get married this young, she’d wait until she was a successful businesswoman, a CEO, at least, but she tries to ignore that because today is just make-believe. It shouldn’t be that hard. They are going to be okay.

She barely finished giving herself a pep talk in her head when a raspy voice calls from the door.

“I heard that there is a Ryouta Kise here to see me.”

Kise jumps on his feet, dragging Momoi with him. His face twists in resignation and he says:

“Oh my God. You dyed your hair back.”

The man waiting for them by the office door is tall. Probably as tall as Aomine and that is very tall for a Japanese man. His hair is messy and somewhat grayish, pointing at every direction; his sharp eyes scream mischief and his lazy smirk would have made Momoi cross the street to avoid walking close to him. He also seems athletic under the suit that fits his body perfectly, even though it contradicts the rebel look on his face. Momoi thinks he should be kind of handsome, for someone who’s into wild-looking guys, but he’s not her type at all. She likes better responsible, reliable men that don’t stand much. (Vaguely she thinks to herself that it is almost too cliché for Kise to have a shitty taste in men. Of course he is into delinquents.)

“Ryouta.” The delinquent in a suit – that is, Haizaki – greets him, smirk still carelessly placed on his face.

“Shougo-kun.” Kise replies, looking dismayed.

“What a small word.” Haizaki chuckles. “Come in, you two. I’m really excited to meet your… _fiancée_.”

 

Haizaki’s office room is a little more claustrophobic than the waiting room. Shelves filled with binders cover the walls, even though it doesn’t seem to have any organization whatsoever. The small space left is occupied by a messy desk overflowing with papers on every inch of the surface that isn’t occupied by a computer. The only personal object around is a small picture-frame on the corner of the desk that seems to have been purposefully knocked down so no one would see the photo in it.

“Well, you can’t possibly imagine my surprise when I saw Ryouta’s name on my little list.” Haizaki gestures for Momoi and Kise to sit down on the chairs in front of his desk. “You know, Momoi-san, Ryouta here is an old friend of mine.”

Boy, is this man trouble. He’s obviously trying to tease Kise. Momoi makes sure to give him her most dazzling smile as she replies:

“Oh, I heard. Ki-chan mentioned you when we heard that someone named Haizaki would take care of our case.” She chuckles pleasantly, gently stroking Kise’s arm. She hopes that the gesture seems possessive enough.  “It’s very nice to meet you. I don’t get to meet many of my fiancé’s friends.”

“Really? And why is that?”

“Oh, I’m sure you know, since you already met Ki-chan before.” She flaps her hand at him. “The fans! They can be so annoying! They wouldn’t leave me alone if they knew Ki-chan and I are in love, you know? That’s why we decided to keep our relationship to ourselves.”

“Really? That’s really convenient.” Haizaki’s grin is definitely scary now. “Because your fiancé is in trouble with the immigration, you see.”

“About his citizenship?” Momoi frowns. “I don’t think that will be an issue. You see, since we can’t openly be together, we thought it would be really romantic if the thing keeping Ki-chan here in Japan was our marriage, isn’t that right, honey?”

“Yes.” Kise smiles too brightly and his voice sounds too calculated. It doesn’t feel natural. Momoi hopes Haizaki won’t notice. “Momocchi and I are already living together, so why not make it official?”

Momoi sees Haizaki silently mouthing the word _Momocchi_ before smirking again. She curses at herself, realizing that it’s not natural for engaged people to call each other by the last names. Now it’s too late to change, though, so she just pretends she didn’t notice anything.

“That’s great. But the thing is… You were about to be deported, Ryouta. And then you show up here engaged? Tsc, tsc, it’s going to take a while before I congratulate you.”

“What do you mean?” Kise frowns.

Again Momoi is perfectly able to tell he’s lying. At first she thought Kise inability to put on an act wouldn’t be a problem since they were dealing with strangers; after all it’s not like Kise sounds like a kid in a bad school play. However she doesn’t even know that much about him and she already can tell he’s not being honest. She can only pray that Kise’s ex-boyfriend isn’t that observant or that they dated so long ago that he can’t even tell the difference between the genuine Kise and the lying Kise anymore.

“Fake marriages.” Haizaki raises a thin eyebrow and Momoi knows for sure they’re doomed. Haizaki isn’t buying Kise’s cheap act.

Momoi feels Kise’s arm getting tense under her hands. She laughs, trying to get Haizaki’s attention to herself. “Are you serious? This isn’t a movie, who would get fake married?”

“I’m serious, very serious.” Haizaki leans back into his chair. “So I have to make a little investigation before handing Green Cards to everyone. I have to make sure this isn’t a fraud, you know?”

“What do you mean investigation?” She frowns.

“Oh, no big deal. Since I’m responsible for your case, I’m going to become a close friend of yours for the next weeks. I’ll visit you two at random times to check on your daily routine when you’re least expecting me to. I’ll ask you some questions. I’ll ask _your friends_ questions. You’ll be interviewed separately and if your answers don’t match, you will be in trouble.”

“That seems incredibly invasive.” Momoi protests.

“Yeah. Momocchi and I like our privacy.”

That is something they agreed on beforehand. To pretend to not know about how the process goes and try not to seem too willing to do anything to pass the test. Momoi remarked several times that only liars pay too much attention to details, so they were supposed to actually be thorough, but without anyone noticing. That part worried her. As much as she adored Kise, he wasn’t the smartest person she knows.

“Oh, I know that. You’re a very private person, Ryouta, I still _remember_ that. Rest assured. I won’t go selling stories of your personal life to the press.”

Haizaki is still smirking, but the look he gives Kise could have frozen hell. No more is needed for Momoi to know that, whatever happened between Kise and Haizaki, it didn’t end up well. The way Kise flinches only confirms what she already knows. How unlucky can they get?

“Oh, and I’m supposed to warn you about the consequences of lying to me.” Haizaki seems to be having way too much fun. “If I find out you’re lying, not only you’ll have to pay a fine, Ryouta is getting deported and you, Momoi-san will have to deal with the police here. Also if your get divorced before less than three years from now, Ryouta immediately loses his visa.”

Momoi is suddenly assaulted with the mental image of Aomine trying to arrest her and yelling that he won’t visit her in jail unless she gives him the phone number of some busty models. She has to bite her tongue to fight the urge to laugh out loud. The nervousness is really getting to her.

“We’re not going to get divorced!” Kise complains. For some reason, his face is bright pink. “Gee, I hope you’re being professional, Shougo-kun. I won’t forgive you if you let our… personal history… get in the way of your job. If you try to cause any harm to Momocchi on purpose, I won’t forgive you!”

He may sound annoyed, but at least this time it appears genuine. Regardless of the situation, he honestly doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her. She smiles brightly at him. Is this what they call platonic soulmates? For a long time, she thought Aomine was her platonic soulmate, but Aomine was more like an awkward brother with whom she built a relationship through hardships and smiles. She and Aomine worked hard to be a family. With Kise, if feels more effortless. She feels like she won’t regret fake-marrying this guy.

Haizaki snorts. “Of course I’m going to be professional. If you’re telling the truth as you claim to be, I’ll soon be convinced and you two can get married and live happily ever after here in Japan. I just need you to be aware of the consequences. If you have anything to tell me… If you want to give up… Now is the time.”

“We’re not giving up!” Both Momoi and Kise speak up at the same time.

Haizaki makes a disgusted sound.

“If you two are so sure… Then it’s settled. I’ll become your _newest best friend_.”

* * *

 

Aomine had a tiring day at work. He and Wakamatsu had been following a lead to find a drug dealing organization for weeks, but they hit a dead-end. Aomine was frustrated, of course, and Wakamatsu was being a pain in the ass about it – because Wakamatsu was born to be a pain, honestly. – so yes, he is very tired and all he needs is to lie on the couch and watch some old action movies. He wonders if he can talk Satsuki into buying food for him, but the chance of her trying to cook something herself makes him give up on the idea. He decides to order takeout instead.

It’s starting to rain. Aomine doesn’t pay attention to the taxi parked on the entrance of the small apartment complex because he’s too busy trying to decide what to order. He’s just thankful that he’s finally home.

That is until he opens the door and is greeted by the view of Momoi walking around talking loudly on the phone while Kise follows her trying to brush her hair.

Right. Kise. Aomine had completely forgotten about him.

“… not your fault of course, Sakurai-kun, don’t let the mean old man make you believe it is,” Momoi says on the phone. She finally stops to put on her shoes as Kise tries to give her a coat. “I’ll fix everything, so stay calm. Thank you so much, Ki-chan. And welcome home, Dai-chan! Don’t wait for me awake!” And then again on the phone: “Oh, not you, Sakurai-kun, _you_ can wait for me…”

She rushes past Aomine still speaking too fast to a probably panicked Sakurai.

Aomine turns to Kise: “What was that?”

“I didn’t understand everything, but apparently they made a mess at her office and they called Momocchi to fix it.” And he pouts.

“ _Again_? Are you fucking kidding me?” Aomine closes the door behind him. “Today was supposed to be her day off!”

“I know, right?” Kise throws his hands up in frustration. “It’s almost like everyone there is a good for nothing! They can’t do shit without Momocchi! They don’t pay her well enough!”

“She should just quit that shitty job already.”

“I told her that! But she says the company has potential and she wants to fix it, so she won’t listen to me.”

The two men sigh in unison and stay staring at the door with the look of worried parents that can’t talk their kid into making better life choices. Once he realizes that, Aomine clears his throat and kicks off his shoes, trying to pretend that the little moment of agreement never happened. He’s supposed to hate Kise and be against everything he stands for.

“So....” Aomine starts avoiding Kise’s eyes, because he knows Kise’s face can be one hell of a distraction. “You and Satsuki went to the embassy today, right?”

“Ah… Yeah.”

Aomine groans. So it’s done.  He tried his best to convince Satsuki to give on this stupid plan, but of course she didn’t listen to him. Kise has the decency to look guilty at least.

“How did it go?”

“It… it was okay…?”

With another unsatisfied noise, Aomine walks to the bathroom. Kise knows better than attempt to make the awkward conversation any longer. 

It has been less than a week since Kise moved in and Aomine has been trying to collect reasons to hate him – which is a surprisingly difficult task.

As he tries to wash his stress away with a hot shower, Aomine wonders if he isn’t overreacting.  Maybe Kise is what he claims to be – a guy that got in trouble and is desperate enough to go through a risky plan to solve everything – after all what would he get from this? Momoi isn’t rich – if anything, Kise has more money than Aomine and Momoi together – and he has nothing to gain from this other than Japanese citizenship. He seems to actually care about Momoi too. In the end they’re in this together. If Momoi gets in trouble, so does he. Of course he’ll be careful to avoid that.

Aomine walks out of the shower rubs his face roughly with his towel. No. He won’t let his guard down that easily. Momoi seems to trust this complete stranger blindly, so he has to be the voice of the reason this time.

When he finally goes back to the living room, perfectly showered and wearing comfortable clothes, he finds Kise again ruining his life by occupying his favorite spot on the couch. Aomine scowls, annoyed, and takes the seat by Kise’s side, feeling satisfied when he notices the blond tensing up.

“Had dinner yet?” Aomine unlocking his phone, still uncertain of what to order.

Kise is taken aback by the question. They barely talked to each other during the few days of acquaintanceship, but the little exchanges between the two men were never friendly. It doesn’t really surprise Aomine when Kise sounds oddly defensive as he answers:

“Yeah, I, huh, ate something earlier.”

Humming in response, Aomine decides to order a whole pizza to himself. Meanwhile, he can almost physically feel how uncomfortable Kise is and that’s part of the reason why he stays there. The 12 year-old inside him takes way too much pleasure in bullying the blond.

A loud noise of something breaking comes from the TV, catching Aomine’s attention. On the screen, a teenage boy talks to a blond woman that looks way too young to be his mother and he apologizes for breaking the plates. Aomine raises an eyebrow. Any movie that wastes time with family awkward conversations is too boring to his liking.

“What’s this?” He asks.

“A movie that Momocchi and I chose for our traditional movie night.”

“Traditional?”

“Well, yeah, traditions have to start at some point, right?” Kise puffs his cheeks. “I heard that this movie is really cool and based on a real life story and everything. Want to watch from the beginning? I don’t mind watching it again.”

Kise seems eager to keep the polite exchange, but the next scene consists in two children playing on the backyard at night while the teenage boy looks at the sky thoughtfully. Aomine couldn’t care less about these people.

“Don’t bother. Why does that boy look like he was just forced to smell shit?”

“Well, he has cancer, so of course he looks unhappy.”

“I already hate this movie.”

“I’m 20 minutes in, so I’m watching until the end. You can pick the next one if you want to.”

Aomine glares at Kise, baffled by the way he just assumes that Aomine will stay here and watch movies with him. Which, well, he will, but that doesn’t mean Kise gets to say that as if it’s the natural thing to do. Where is that uneasiness from before? There is no point in bothering Kise if Kise doesn’t stay bothered for long.

“Movies about families suck.” Aomine says.

“No, they don’t. They’re scary.”

“Scary?”

And on cue then the blonde lady starts cleaning the floor with a mop and freaking blood as she smiles to her sick son.

“What the fuck? Is this a horror movie?”

Kise gives him a weird look. “Of course it is a horror movie. What did you think it was?”

A moving story about a boy beating a deadly disease, but Aomine doesn’t say that out loud because he doesn’t trust his voice to speak. He doesn’t like horror movies. Not that he’s scared or anything, they just… bother him a little. He doesn’t find the idea of ghosts interesting (he still remember how lame it was when Kuroko joined the basketball club and rumors started about a ghost that haunted the school gym. Those were the worst days of Aomine’s life. The _worst_.) and he doesn’t feel like watching a horror movie.

Why would Kise want to watch that crap anyway? He seems like the kind of person that would get scared shitless of ghosts and scream at jumpscares and then bury his face on another person’s neck to avoid looking at the screen. Maybe he won’t even be able to sleep and will need to ask someone to share the bed with him or let the lights on. Aomine reprehends himself when he notices he’s fantasizing about snuggling to Kise in the dark. ( _Damn it, he may be hot, but he’s the enemy! Get yourself together, Daiki_!)

He tries and focus on the TV again, which is a mistake, because now angsty teen boy is having visions and finding out that his room were once used as a morgue/torture room/whatever the hell that is. Aomine sucks air between his gritted teeth, producing a weird noise. ( _Who would find this fun to watch_?)

He glances at Kise by the corner of his eye. He remembers that Kagami once said that is comforting to watch horror movies with someone that is more scared than you, for some reason (not that Aomine is scared to begin with) so he hopes to find ease upon seeing Kise holding tightly on a cushion and all pale and tense. (And he’s not thinking about making a move and holding Kise for reassurance. Those fantasies are too dangerous and should not be encouraged, even if they are just fantasies.) He finds, however, Kise watching the movie attentively and perfectly calm. His face looks pretty and composed as always. ( _What kind of bullshit is this?)_

“Oi.” Aomine calls. “Aren’t you scared?”

“Huh?” Kise stares at him. “Not really. This film is really chill, don’t you think?”

 _(Is this guy Satan? Aomine is pretty sure that Kise is Satan by now_.)

“Why? Are you scared, Aomine-kun?”

“Of course not!” He barks immediately. “It’s just… You look like the kind of guy that would shit his pants over things like this.” And he gestures vaguely towards the TV and refusing to look at it now that he has an excuse to not see whatever that’s going on there.

“That’s so rude.” Kise pouts and turns his stare back to the movie. “Well, to be fair you’re not the only one that thinks that. Let me tell you a secret: when I watched horror movies in dates, I’d pretend to be scared just to look cute. But the truth is that I don’t really get scared by this whole spirits and demons thing.”

To look cute? Does that mean that Kise’s ex-girlfriends were into some that domination shit? How… unexpected. Aomine wants to bury his face in a pillow and scream to erase the new scenes that his imagination just created (and not because of horror). God, Kise would be way easier to hate if he wasn’t so damn pretty. Or if he at least acted more annoying. Aomine hates this, but he has to admit that Kise isn’t awful to be around.

The only option to avoid is inappropriate thoughts, however, is to watch that godforsaken movie. Damn it.

Not much later, his food arrives. (Kise offers to pause the movie for him as he goes get the door and Aomine utterly refuses, because he doesn’t care for this dumb movie anyway.) He spends as much time as he can with the deliveryman, but unfortunately he has to go back to his living room again. (However he can’t eat more than one slice and a half while watching… _That_.)

Kise seems really invested in the story, God knows why. At this point, Aomine is too, but only because he wants to see this problem solved. How will they get rid of the rabid spirits? Will angsty boy survive? What are you supposed to do in this kind of situation anyway? Aomine draws his knees to his chest, nervous, as the family (FINALLY!) calls a priest to perform an exorcism. It’s the climax of the movie. ( _The rain noises outside don’t help_.) The spirits don’t like being exorcised and they’re retaliating. Aomine fights the urge to hug Kise and hide from that ungodly scene. Angsty boy and his mom hug each other as the lights flicker and _something_ appears on the corner of the room. The humanoid figure approaches them. Every time the lights go on, it’s closer. Aomine swallows a whimper and even Kise seems tense now. Any minute the spirit will reach for the unfortunate boy and…!

Lightning flashes through the windows. Not more than seconds later, with a noise similar of an explosion, thunder follows the lighting. That’s when everything goes dark.


	5. Observation diary of Kise™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aomine and Kise are just oversized children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now I'm very sick and very high on medicine. Please, let me know if I didn't notice any mistake in my almost drunken edition of the chapter.

Aomine has shared an apartment with the popular model Ryouta Kise for no longer than a few days now. Normally, if he were presented the opportunity to live with a celebrity, he would be very grateful. However, despite Aomine’s weak spot for idols, he can’t enjoy the situation as it is. Not when the said idol is dragging his best friend to a world of crime. Aomine has promised to himself that he’ll keep an eye on Kise and make sure he won’t do any stupid shit that will get Momoi in trouble. 

That’s when Aomine starts a Kise Observation Diary. (Except that only in his head, of course, he isn’t some kind of _nerd_ that actually _writes things down_.) His mental notes consist in a bunch of random facts about his new unwanted roommate and a desperate attempt to find condemnable actions. 

The first thing Aomine has learned is that Kise is a morning person. He gets up early without complaining, which is good, because he spends way too much time in the bathroom after that. Kise always say “good morning” when he sees Aomine is awake, even though he knows that the only thing he’ll get for response is a grumpy grunt.  Conclusion: Kise is a ridiculous person able to function at the most ungodly hours and that gets energy from the sunlight or something like that.  

Actually, Kise might actually take all of his energy from the sun, because the second thing Aomine learns is that Kise doesn’t seem to eat much. For breakfast, he drinks juice only and leaves. Momoi had shown concern about that, but Kise brushed it off quickly. Aomine just assumed he eats something else when he goes out. Kise almost never is there for dinner either.  

The third thing Aomine learns is that Kise’s schedule is very erratic. Sometimes he won’t leave for work until noon and won’t come back on the same day. Twice Aomine went to sleep alone in his bedroom only to get up on the next morning and find out that his roommate arrived silently in the middle of the night. Maybe that is normal for a model. 

Aomine doesn’t make any efforts to befriend Kise or to talk to him whatsoever. He does, though, listen to him talking to Momoi. (It’s impossible not to, the two of them are really loud.) The fourth thing Aomine learns about Kise is that he has a lot in common with Momoi. It’s almost like he got himself a male version of his best friend. (A version that is irritatingly attractive. Not that Momoi isn’t beautiful, is just that Aomine is used to seeing her as his annoying cute sister. Kise, on other hand…)  

Aomine is trying hard to hate Kise. But the more he learns about the other man, the more he finds out that, if Kise weren’t turning his best friend into a criminal, Aomine would have been friends with him as well.  

The fifth thing Aomine learns about Kise is that he isn’t scared of horror movies, which is surprising. That, however, doesn’t stop Kise from screaming out lout and jumping on Aomine when all the lights go off during the climax of the movie. Despite everything, Aomine isn’t taking mental notes of that, since he’s busy clinging to Kise for his dear life and screaming just as loudly. The thunder outside muffles the noise they’re making, but doesn’t change the fact that they’re two grown men hugging each other on the couch and yelling because the power went out. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Is the first sentence Aomine is able to bark. “WHAT THE LIVING FUCK?!” 

 “HOLY SHIT!” Kise yelps. “WHAT’S WITH THAT TIMING?” 

The two stay as they are, raining curses and bad words as they catch their breath. Everything is pitch black around them and Aomine does not appreciate that. He curses some more at his eyes that are taking their sweet time to adjust to the darkness. 

“I can’t believe the lights went out like that.” Kise puffs, apparently calming down quicker than Aomine. “What are the chances of thunder right during the tensest scene?” 

Aomine doesn’t answer out loud, but the terrible truth hits him with the force of a truck: it’s the spirits. Hasn’t Kise said that the movie as based in a real life story? Of course the ghosts would get mad that people made a movie about their suffering. They’re probably getting revenge on everyone that is trying to have fun while watching their sorrow. They’re coming for them and they will get revenge. 

Kise coughs. “Huh… Aomine-kun…? You’re squeezing me to death.” 

Right. Shit. Aomine softens his grip and hesitantly lets go of Kise. Now he can barely make the figure of the other man against the dark room, his eyes finally starting to adjust to the darkness. He still doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t trust his voice to talk. He’s pretty sure that he’ll just start screaming again if he try.  

“Shit, where is my phone?” Kise mumbles and Aomine hear more than he can see the blond moving and palming around the cushions. 

The spirits took the phone, Aomine is sure. Phones are important devices to be immediately taken away in horror movies. He has seen this thousands of times before, because Kuroko and Momoi are horror lovers. Aomine starts running his hands around as he desperately tries to find his own phone.  (And he’s not thinking about the possibility of his hand bumping on something cold and dead, nope, he’s not. This possibility is absurd and he isn’t thinking about it. He is not scared.) 

“I can’t believe I lost my fucking phone!” Kise complains because apparently he can shut up. “It was right on my hand! Tch… You know what? I think we have some matches in the kitchen, I’m going to go get them…” 

Aomine’s hand moves on its own: he hears Kise getting up and his fingers go flying to wrap themselves around Kise’s wrist. Aomine doesn’t even have time to be impressed on how he was able to find Kise’s arm in the dark, he just holds it firmly to make sure Kise won’t take a single step more. He has watched enough horror movies to know that the pretty blond is the first character to die and he refuses to have to survive the night alone. 

“W-we don’t need matches.” Aomine croaks. His voice sounds even weirder than he expected. “Let’s just- just wait. Here.” 

 Kise hesitates. “What are you… Wait. No.” Even in the dark, Aomine can hear a smirk blooming on his face. “Aomine-kun. Don’t tell me that you’re scared?” 

“Of course…!” Aomine stops mid sentence to clear his throat, because the words came out high-pitched and shaky with nervousness. He tries again: “Of course I am not! Shut up!” 

“Oh my God!” Kise flops back on the couch by Aomine’s side. “You so are! I noticed you were a little tense, but…” 

“I was tense because I hate you! Your presence makes me sick!” 

“Really? Is this why you’re holding my wrist so tightly?” 

Aomine bites his tongue. He can’t bring himself to let go of Kise’s warm touch – the only living, reassuring thing in this horrible situation – so he simply doesn’t answer. At his silence, Kise cackles loudly. 

“This is so _adorable_!” He squeals. “I can’t believe the big bad cop Aomine-kun is scared of some ghosts!” And he laughs some more. “You should have told me, Aomine-kun, we could have watched something more appropriate!” 

“Don’t think I won’t hit you just because it’s dark, Kise, because my fist only has to follow the noise of _your big fat mouth_.” 

“Aw, we could have watched Anastasia or some other Disney movie… Or would you be scared of Rasputin too?” 

“You asshat, Anastasia isn’t even Disney’s!” 

“Oh, you would know that, wouldn’t  you?”  

Aomine’s annoyance reaches its peak and he would have thoughtlessly punched the model in the face, but again lighting flashes outside and the thunder that follows startles them enough to shut them up. With the surprise, Aomine finally lets Kise's wrist go. 

“What’s with that rain?” Kise mumbles. “…ah!” 

“ _What_?” 

“Found my phone!” 

They both wince when Kise turns on the device. The light of the screen is blinding after the complete darkness they were in. The illumination on Kise’s face is less than flattering. It makes his face looks supernaturally pale as he taps the screen. By the time he finally gets the lantern app open Aomine’s eyes already adjusted to the new light arrangement. The lantern illuminates the room better than the pale screen, which is good, but it also creates a small island of light in the middle of a sea of darkness. It is, in a way, just as unnerving as staying in the complete darkness. 

“Now that’s more like it.” Kise singsongs and smiles at Aomine. Aomine doesn’t smile back. Kise’s grin falters a little. “So… Do we usually have blackouts around here or…?” 

Aomine shakes his head. Kise’s soft “oh” in response is barely heard above the rain.  

They fall silent after that. Now that there isn’t a movie to distract them, being quiet feels incredibly uncomfortable. Aomine tells himself that he isn’t supposed to talk or anything, after all, his mission is to hate Kise. To make sure Kise knows he’s hated, to keep him on his toes. Nevertheless, he finds himself feeling too awkward in this situation. What are they supposed to do? Stay there and glare at each other until the power comes back? Go together to their bedroom? ( _Even knowing that there might be vengeful spirits hiding there_?) 

Aomine opens his mouth to say something – even though he’s not sure what – when he is interrupted by a long, deep growl.  

“What the…?” He mumbles. It’s hard to say with the light of the lantern, but he has the impression that Kise is blushing. “Was that you?” 

“Nope.” Kise avoids Aomine’s eyes. “I didn’t hear anything. And if only you heard, it’s probably a hungry spirit coming to eat Aomine-kun.” 

Aomine’s stomach drops several inches, so he does what his instincts tell him to: grabs one of the cushions and starts violently beating Kise up with it. 

“Don’t! Joke! About! That! _Asshole_!” He snarls and punctuates every word with a hit. 

Kise yelps and drops his phone on the floor as he poorly attempts to use his own arms to shield himself from Aomine's attack. The light stays on, luckily enough, and Aomine doesn’t stop swinging the cushion at Kise. 

“I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ , I was joking!” The blond screams, helplessly trying to defend himself. “It was not a ghost, it was me, it was my stomach, please stop!” 

Aomine stops mid swing and frowns. “Your stomach? Thought you said you already had dinner.” 

“I… I had.” Kise turns his face away from Aomine. 

The sixth entry to the Observation Diary of Kise **™** is that Kise is a terrible liar. Aomine blinks, surprised. He expected that a model would be better at acting, but everything – from his expression to his intonation – sounds different. That is actually more unexpected than not being afraid of horror movies. 

“No, you didn’t.” Aomine frowns. “You’re lying. Why would you lie about that?” 

“I wouldn’t.” Kise pouts and reaches for his phone. He pats the dust away, eyeing the screen as if looking for cracks. 

“Yes, you would. Haven’t you been told that you’re really bad at lying?” 

Kise grimaces at him. Aomine glares back, putting on his best serious cop expression. The one he used to interrogate suspects. Their little staring contest lasts almost a whole minute (and Aomine makes a quick mental note that Kise is tougher than he looks, after all he looks more annoyed than scared of Aomine’s gape) before Kise finally lets out a frustrated sigh and admits: 

“Fine, I didn’t eat anything. Momocchi and I were going to order some Chinese food, but then that thing in her office came up and she had to run, so I kind of forgot.” 

“You forgot to eat.” Aomine parrots slowly. 

This time, Aomine sees the lie coming before Kise even starts to speak. In his line of job, he got used to see through made-up excuses, and he can see it perfectly as Kise mumbles: “I wasn’t hungry.” 

His face is punctuated by another long growl from his stomach loud enough that can be heard above the rain. Aomine raises an eyebrow and this time there is no doubt that Kise is very flushed. Aomine doesn’t get what the problem is. The first thing that comes to his mind is a shy kid that won’t admit they’re hungry at a friend’s house. Which is a weird comparison, since this is where Kise lives, but maybe Aomine’s presence intimidated him? Aomine feels guilty. He wanted to keep Kise on his toes, yes, but he didn’t want the guy to starve to death. 

With a sigh, he reaches for the pizza that lay forgotten on the coffee table for the past hour and grabs a slice. He hands it to Kise. “Here, have this, loser.” 

Surprised by the gesture, Kise slaps Aomine’s hand away. They exchange a confused look as if they’re both equally startled by Kise’s reaction. As they both grow embarrassed of the little interaction, Aomine’s shame quickly turns into anger: 

“ _What the hell_?”  

“I’m sorry!” Kise wails. “You just caught me off-guard, I… Huh… I can't have _that_.” 

And he says “that” as if Aomine had just offered him a living rat for dinner instead of a perfectly good slice of pizza.  

“What do you mean you can't have it? Are you allergic?” 

“No, I… It’s the carbs.” 

“ _What?_ ” 

"I'm a model, Aomine-kun! I can't just eat whatever I please! I gotta take care of my appearance!”  

That is the worst excuse Aomine had ever heard. Not only Kise is in great shape (not that Aomine needs to say that out loud), one fucking slice of pizza won’t make him suddenly become fat. However there is something about Kise’s voice that stops Aomine from teasing him or laughing at how stupid he’s being. There is some tightness behind his tone, as if they are talking about something more painful than being on a diet. Aomine can’t understand what is it (Momoi often says that he’s like a wild animal: with some kind of instinct that detects distress, but too dumb to actually comprehend what’s the matter) but he can’t bring himself to mock Kise for his unnecessary diet. Instead, he again offers the slice of pizza. 

“Just eat, you dumb shit. Why would you lie about not having dinner anyway?” 

He tries to hand the slice to Kise, but the idiot actually leans back like a freaking child trying to avoid being fed a piece of broccoli.  

“No, I can’t eat that!” 

“Take the damn pizza if you’re hungry!” 

“I don’t want it!” And the sentence is again punctuated by another powerful grumble from his stomach. 

“Just eat it already!” 

“No!” 

Kise slaps Aomine’s hand away from him again without thinking. The two of them glare at each other for a few seconds in which Kise realizes that he had just made a big mistake and Aomine’s anger is bigger than ever.

“I’M SORRY!” Kise screeches as Aomine roars: “JUST EAT!” 

A high-pitched squeal escapes from Kise’s mouth when Aomine literally tackles him down mercilessly. The phone falls on the floor again when the two of them start wrestling each other on the couch. Kise puts up a good fight, but he’s underneath Aomine now and, even with one of his hands busy holding the slice of pizza, Aomine is stronger. Several screams and a lot of roughhousing after, Aomine straightens his back, victorious, half of the slice shoved into Kise’s mouth. 

Only when Kise lets out a small muffled moan that sounds way too suggestive Aomine realizes how compromising their position is. He immediately gets off Kise and sits back on his spot, wondering if the other man had made that sound on purpose or if he was just this absurdly enticing without noticing.  

Kise sits up as well with the pizza still hanging from his mouth and making distressed noises. 

“Holy shit, _dishes sho good_ …!” He bemoans obscenely.  

Are humans allowed to look sensual while eating pizza? Because Aomine doesn’t think Kise is human at this point. 

“What the hell?” He finally finds his voice. “You sound like you never had pizza before.” 

There is a few moments of silence in which Kise tries and chews what’s already on his mouth, and then catches the rest with his hands without worrying about the mess he’s making. Once he finally swallows, he mutters: 

“I had forgotten… Last time I tried some I was like twelve.” 

Aomine’s chin drops. “What? What kind of… _What_?” 

“Carbs.” Kise answers simply as he continues eating. 

Aomine is so horrified he doesn’t even know how to respond. Instead he picks Kise’s phone again surprised that it doesn’t have any cracks on the screen yet. The lantern is still on, but the phone screen has been locked. He takes a look at Kise’s lock screen expecting to see a selfie or maybe one of these aesthetic pictures that Aomine doesn’t get. Instead Kise’s phone background is a picture of a group of men wearing old blue T-shirts. Aomine recognizes Kise in the middle of them, but his hair is so messy and his clothes are so covered in dirt that it took a while before he could find him there. Picture Kise’s smile is far brighter that any smile that Aomine saw in magazines or even in real life Kise. 

He takes a peek at the man by his side. Kise is finishing his slice of pizza like a starved kid without paying attention to whatever Aomine might be doing with his phone. 

“Who are these guys?” He asks turning the phone to its owner.  

“Huh…? Hm…” Kise swallows more pizza before answering: “My high school friends.” 

Aomine frowns and take another look at the phone. The men in the picture don’t look anything like Kise: they’re not inhumanly attractive and don’t have that intimidating aura around them. Some are short, some have weird eyebrows, some just simply look dumb and one of them wear glasses that look way too lame. However all of them are grinning brightly to the camera and one of them – a short one with thick eyebrows – has his arm thrown around Kise’s shoulders as one with inky black hair ruffles Kise’s hair. It looks… earnest. The sense of honest friendship doesn’t suit Kise’s image. 

The seventh entry to the Observation Diary of Kise **™** is that, regardless of looking like one of those blond princes from Disney movies, Kise keeps in touch – and apparently treasures – his high school friends. Aomine doesn’t know what to do with this piece of information. 

“What?” Kise scowls and only then Aomine notices he’s been staring.  

“Nothing.” 

“Right. Ugh. I can’t believe you made me eat it.” 

“I made- Dude, you were almost crying of happiness just now.” 

“I wasn’t! I was just…” Kise purses his lips for a second. “You know what?  Whatever. Just… How long is this going to take? Is it common for the power to go out like that in here?” 

“Not really.” Aomine hands Kise’s phone back. “But it doesn’t always rain this hard so…” 

The two of them look at the window. The water hits the glass violently creating the impression that they’re under an actual waterfall. It doesn’t look like it’s going to stop anytime soon.  Kise sighs. 

“I guess we won’t know the end of the movie tonight.” The movie. This asshole had to remind Aomine of that.  “Maybe we should just head to bed, right? I mean… There is nothing we can do but wait.” 

Aomine grumbles something meaning that he agrees. He’d like to just stay on the couch – where he knows it’s safe and comfortable – but he would rather die before admitting to Kise that he was scared of spirits coming for them. 

When Kise stands up, Aomine does the same immediately and he fights the urge to grab on Kise’s shirt like once did to Kagami’s on the time Kuroko forced them to go through the Haunted House of a stupid amusement park. He does, however, walks closer to Kise than it’s strictly necessary.  You know, just so he won’t get lost in the dark. Because Kise is the one holding the light and shit. 

Kise suddenly stops and Aomine actually bumps on him. 

“Fu- _What_?” 

“Oh my God,” Kise gasps and Aomine's stomach does a perfect backflip. “Is that a cockroach?” 

Aomine frowns and looks above Kise’s shoulder. Indeed, right in front of their bedroom door and under the light of Kise’s phone, a dark form is visible against the light floor. It can be a very small rat or a very large cockroach. It’s hard to tell.  

“I didn’t know we had cockroaches,” Kise mutters. Aomine raises an eyebrow at him. 

“What? Every house has roaches now and then. Don’t tell me you’re scared of a little bug.” 

“I’m not scared! It’s just… Disgusting. Kill it, please.” 

"Really?" Aomine lets out a small surprised laughter. "It's just a bug." 

"I won't be able to sleep if we leave it there! It can... I don't know, enter our room and crawl over our bodies while we're unconscious and..." 

"Fine! Stop being gross, I'll kill it." Who would have thought that the eighth entry to the Observation Diary of Kise **™** would be that Kise, that doesn’t give a fuck about actually dangerous spirits, will lose his shit at the sight of a small insect? “Out the way, you pansy.”  

Surprisingly, Kise doesn’t protest this time and actually steps back as Aomine walks to the cockroach. Kise holds the light in place as Aomine realizes that he has no ways of killing the insect other than stepping on it with his bare foot. As much as he doesn't care for insects, he isn't willing to squish it against his own skin. 

“Should I..." Before Aomine can finish the sentence, a noise similar to the smallest helicopter of the world taking off is heard and he sees the little bug coming up and up and... "SHIT, IT CAN FLY!”  

Kise lets out the loudest of the screeches and drops the phone once more. This time, the lantern app closes and the two men are left running and screaming in the dark. Somehow, Kise finds his hand blindly and holds it in a firm grip as they run all the way back to the couch. 

"Jesus shit! What the fuck! What the actual..." Kise gasps, breathless. 

"I can't believe you dropped the light again!" Aomine shoves him with his free hand. "You dumbass!" 

"Well, I'm sorry there was a flying monster coming towards me and I got startled!" 

"Sh, sh, shh are you listening to this?" 

"What?" 

And, when Kise shuts up, they hear it. Above the rain noise outside, a much closer sound is audible in the room. The noise of small insect wings flapping quick and decisively. The flying roach is coming. 

" _Shit, run_!" 

There is more screaming, more running and Aomine is pretty sure that Kise breaks his fingers by holding them too tightly as they have a mad rush to the first open door they're able to find: the bathroom. Aomine kicks the door closed after they walk through it and, for some reason, Kise drags them to the bathtub and closes the curtains quickly. They don't think, they just sit down quickly and instantaneously fill the whole space. Their shoulders are now pressed side by side as their backs are pressed against the wall and their knees are firmly drawn to their chests in the cramped bathtub. It feels... safe.  

"That... was intense," Aomine murmurs softly. 

Kise nods, still recovering his breath. 

"Now what?" 

"Huh... now... We stay here until is safe to go out?" 

" _When_ will be safe to go out?" 

They don't have an answer for that.  

* * *

 

The sun already rose when Momoi finally gets home. She sighs, tired, taking off her shoes and massaging her own sore feet. Who said that working for a publicity agency would be fun and games? Who the hell fooled her into thinking that working in an office meant having a regular work schedule? She walks inside barefoot, thanking God for her day off. 

She wonders if Aomine and Kise got along well on their first night alone. She worried about them all night because they both have strong personalities and they would either become best friends or enemies for life. She wishes they somehow became best friends while she was away, but she doesn't want to hold her hopes too high. It's annoying, because her intuition is always pretty sharp, but Aomine (and Kise as well, as she found out recently) seem to be too unpredictable, even for her.  

She's on her way to her bedroom when an unpleasant smell catches her attention. To her surprise, she finds an open box of pizza on the coffee table. That's weird. Aomine is sloppy, but he isn't one to waste food. As she looks around, there are more signs of chaos: cushions scattered on the floor, a half-eaten slice of pizza on the floor and… is that Kise’s phone? Kise would never leave his phone so carelessly thrown aside.  

“Ki-chan? Dai-chan?” She tries calling.  

No response. Momoi starts to panic. Kise and Aomine didn’t… kill each other, did they? Just to be sure, she decides to check on them. Their room’s door is unlocked, but their beds are perfectly made and empty. _Where the hell did her friends go_? 

Before she can think any further, the annoying sound of the buzzer makes her jump in surprise. It can’t be past seven in the morning, who the hell would show up at this ungodly hour? Unless it’s… Part of her – the delusional optimist part – hopes that it’s going to be Kise and Aomine, that got so friendly through the night that decided to go out for a morning jog and to watch the sun rise, so she runs to the door right away and gets on her toes to look through the peephole.  

Her hopes are crushed really quickly when she finds herself looking at the face of Shougo Haizaki. 

What had he said again? _I’ll visit you two at random times to check on your daily routine when you’re least expecting me to._  

Momoi wants to scream, but she can’t because that would alert Haizaki of her presence. She wonders, hopeless, if Haizaki would go away if she just hid in her bed and pretended to be asleep. Instead, however, she rushes through the apartment determined to find Kise and Aomine to solve this mess. 

Her bedroom is as empty as she left and no one’s in the kitchen. Haizaki buzzes again and, regardless of the sleepless night, Momoi had never felt more awake. The adrenaline keeps her on her feet as she stumbles her way to the only unchecked room: the bathroom. She doesn’t have any expectations, really, and that’s why she lets out a loud “What the hell?” when she opens the bathtub curtains and find Aomine and Kise cramped inside, soundly asleep. 

“Just… Just what happened here?” She stutters and quickly grabs them by the shoulders and shakes them awake. “Why are you two in the bathtub?” 

Aomine groans and shifts so his head rests on Kise’s shoulder, where he immediately starts to drool. Kise, on other hand, starts to blink meekly.  

“Huh… Momocchi?” He murmurs, confused. 

“You know what? I don’t even want to know how you two ended up here, just get up. Now.” 

“What…?” And then Kise realizes that Aomine is leaving a pool of drool on his shoulder. “Eugh!”  

Kise pushes him to the side, but Aomine only lets out a soft snore and stays completely unconscious. Fortunately the disgusting little interaction seems to get Kise a little back to his senses and he looks more focused when he turns his attention back to Momoi. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I’d love to know.” She offers him a hand to drag him out of the bathtub. “But we can’t discuss that right now because Haizaki-kun is here and we’re screwed.” 


	6. Everybody loves Kurokocchi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise meets Momoi's (best) friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because today is AoKi day and I didn't have time to make anything more special... Here's an update. With barely any AoKise in it. I'm sorry.

Kise’s love life… isn’t great. You’d expect a model to have tons of girls (and boys and people without gender and people with more than one gender and… just all kinds of people) throwing themselves at him. And he indeed had, but he didn't date that much.  The truth is that Kise got into modeling when he was really young and if you added his club activities and school duties to the equation, the truth is that Kise had very little time to romantic relationships during his teenage years. He broke many hearts back in the day.

He did, however, always found time for small adventures. To kiss a boy from another school he’d just met during cultural festival just because the mood felt right. To make out with a model friend between shoots since they were bored. To escape to a party once every two months and have a little fun with a stranger. Kise didn’t date, sure, but while his love life wouldn’t advance, he was glad that at least his hook up routine could be taken care of every once in a while.

It wasn’t until he finished high school that he met Shougo Haizaki… and then everything went downhill.

Which was fine! Or at least he thinks so. Everyone has a past and everyone makes mistakes in their youth. Now that he has aged and became more mature, he can let it go and not repeat the same miscalculations again, right? Kise came to the conclusion that it’s fine to have a rocky past, because it’s his past that made who he is now and he thought that he could bury his teen self’s faults very, very far from him.

That is until the day in which he finds himself waking up in a bathtub because his past is at the door, ready to fuck up his entire future.

“Shit…!” He mumbles and tries to get up, but it’s fucking difficult. Not only his back hurts like a bitch, but his body seems to have acquired the bathtub’s shape through the night. It doesn’t help that Aomine is taking all of the free space.

“Dai-chan, wake up, you gotta help us!” Momoi urges, trying to shake Aomine by his shoulders, but failing since there is no space to shake him.

“What do we do?” Kise groans.

“Go to my bedroom! Lie on my bed as if you were sleeping there and not in the freaking bathtub! I’ll kick Dai-chan to his own bed and then I’ll get the door, just… go!”

Kise just nods and obeys without questioning. He may be sleepy and his back aches, but he knows better than not listening to Momoi. As he rushes out of the bathroom, he hears the bell ringing again. Haizaki was never known for being patient.

He enters the room and dives into Momoi’s bed without hesitation. The sheets smell like Momoi’s strawberry shampoo and, although the scent is too sweet for his liking, it’s as comfortable as heaven after spending the night in a bathtub. Kise would gladly take a long and well-deserved nap there if he wasn’t so nervous. He settles under the blanket and stills, trying to hear something.

He can hear the sound of the door opening and a brief conversation afterwards. He can barely catch something of Momoi’s words and then Haizaki’s raspy voice. He can’t understand what they’re saying, but the voices are approaching the room.

“…got home from work.” He finally discerns Momoi’s voice when the door swings open. Moments later, he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder shaking him lightly. “Honey? Wake up. We have a _visitor_.”

Kise puts on a show and groggily opens his eyes and yawns widely. He’s probably exaggerating his reactions, but he can’t help it. He’s just too nervous.

“Momocchi…?” He mutters and at least his voice sounds as hoarse as it should be. He is exhausted. “Welcome home… What…?” He scans the room until his eyes find Haizaki and he fakes surprise. “Oh. Shougo-kun. Hello. What time is it…?”

“Told you I was gonna come and surprise you.” Haizaki’s voice is pleasant, but his trademark smirk is present and as annoying as Kise remembers. “But don’t mind me. Follow your routine. I’m here to see that.”

Kise pulls a face as he get out of the bed. The lingering ache on his back is still present, so he stretches his arms over his head. At least that feels natural.

“Well…” Momoi sighs. “Since we’re all awake, I’ll make breakfast for everyone and…”

“NO!”

Momoi jumps, startled, and Haizaki raises an eyebrow. Kise curses at himself for yelling, but who could blame him? He had the opportunity of tasting Momoi’s cooking once (because Aomine was being an ass and Kise wanted to prove him wrong and he thought it couldn’t be _that_ bad. Except that it was actually worse than he could have imagined and he was traumatized for life.)

“I… I mean… It’s okay, Momocchi, just… You just came home from work, you deserve some rest. I take care of breakfast.”

"Eeeh... I don't mind though. You can leave breakfast for me."

“It’s fine!” He grabs her by her shoulders. “Go make some coffee. I’ll brush my teeth and then I take care of the rest. You don’t need to do _anything_.” _I’m begging you_ , he thinks, but he manages not to say out loud.

“All right,” she huffs. “I’m making the coffee.”

Kise sighs, relieved that he dodged that bullet. He ignores Haizaki’s furrowed brow as he hurries to the bathroom.

 _It’s okay_ , he tells himself. He can do this. It’s been years, Haizaki probably forgot everything about him. He is already awaken enough, despite his sleepless night, but he walks to the basin and splashes water on his face regardless. It helps to clear his mind and calm down as he reaches for the toothbrush.

This is fine, he repeats silently as he brushes his teeth. He looks at his reflection on the mirror. His hair is disheveled and his eyes look a little tired, but other than that he appearance is flawless. Ready to face the day (even a day that includes his ex-almost-boyfriend).  Kise takes a deep breath and goes to the kitchen.

Momoi kept her promise and didn’t touch the food yet, but she’s taking care of the coffee. Haizaki has sat by the table and seems to be flipping through some archives on his phone.

“So… When did the two of you decide to live together?”

“Right after Ki-chan proposed,” Momoi says easily. “We thought we should get used to it before we exchange rings and everything.”

“I see…” Haizaki types something quickly on the phone. “But in your file it says that you didn’t live alone before Ryouta moved in.”

“I didn’t,” she agrees. “I’ve always shared the place with some friends… One of them moved out a few months ago and the other still lives here.”

“Oh? And don’t they get in the way of you lovebirds?”

“Not at all.” Momoi serves three cups of coffee and hands one of them to Haizaki, which is more than Kise would do for someone who’s being such a little shit. “Dai-chan and I have been friends since childhood. I’m used to him.”

“Dai-chan, huh?” Haizaki smirks. “What’s your opinion on this childhood friend, Ryouta?”

Kise pretends to be too focused on putting bread inside the toaster to look at Haizaki. “I thought you were going to just observe, Shougo-kun. Do your methods of observation include interviewing us?”

Haizaki doesn’t miss a beat. “I told you I was gonna become your best friend, haven’t I? How can we be friends if I don’t know you properly? And it’s just a simple question. What do you think of this Daiki Aomine that lives with you and your fiancée? It doesn’t bother you to have another man so close to her?”

He’s being annoying on purpose and Kise knows it. He bites his lip, trying his hardest to not snap. Probably noticing the tension on his shoulders, Momoi approaches him and offers him a mug of coffee. She smiles softly at him when he takes it and gently caresses his shoulder. Kise takes a deep breath, reminding himself that he won’t be the only one in trouble if this doesn’t work. He puts on his best model smile and turns to face Haizaki.

“Not even a bit,” he says cheerfully. “I’m not the jealous type. And besides Aominecchi is like family to Momocchi and I like having him here. He’s really fun to be around.”

Haizaki frowns. He seems bored by Kise’s easy response. “Yeah, yeah, then let me be more straightforward: you two are a young, healthy couple that just started living together. Don’t you guys, like, want to have sex all the time?”

Kise chokes on his coffee.

“H-Haizaki-kun, I don’t think that’s an appropriate thing for you to ask!” Momoi stammers, her face burning.

“Why, is that a sensitive topic? Isn’t Ryouta satisfying you, ma’am?”

Kise can’t believe this.

Well, actually he can. It’s Haizaki, after all, and he is behaving exactly like Kise remembers. It has always been a hobby of his to find out people’s weak spots and then mercilessly tease them about it, as well as sex jokes has always been his favorites. It would be almost nostalgic if it wasn’t so infuriating. So much that Kise finally snaps and the next thing he hears himself saying is:

“How dare you question my sex skills? I was half-virgin when I met you and I was already _very_ good at it!”

That’s probably not something you should say in front of your fiancée, Kise realizes by seeing Haizaki’s thin eyebrows raise until they disappear under his hair.

Momoi, on the other hand, snorts and starts laughing.

“Oh my God!” She wheezes. “Did you just accidentally quote Mean Girls while bragging about your sex skills?”

Kise can’t help but smile meekly at her amusement. “Accidentally? What do you take me for? That was on purpose.”

She’s still laughing as she raises her hand for a high-five and he gladly slaps their hands together. It doesn’t feel very romantic, but Kise wouldn’t know if this is okay for a couple to do – he never _officially_ dated anyone, speaking honestly. Nevertheless, before Haizaki is able to add any more inconvenient observations, Aomine drags his feet into the kitchen.

He looks absolutely murderous and Kise doesn’t need to think too much to figure out why. He probably tried to go back to sleep on his own bed and couldn’t. He may have met Aomine just a couple of weeks ago, but he sure knows that nothing makes him crankier than lack of sleep and the he would never ever get up before noon if he didn't have to go to work.

“Good morning, Aominecchi.” Kise tries smiling.

“Shut the fuck up…” Aomine mumbles immediately. “Why do you look so sparkly in the morning? And you.” He directs his gape to Momoi. “Why are you so energetic after pulling an all-nighter at work?”

From behind Aomine, Haizaki mouths “So fun to be around!” to Kise. He can only roll his eyes and turn his attention to the breakfast again.

“I’m going to take a nap now.” Momoi hands the third cup of coffee she made to Aomine. “I assume Haizaki-san doesn’t oppose to that, does he?”

Haizaki shrugs. “I’m here to observe your routine. Do whatever you want.”

Only then Aomine notices the presence of their unwanted guest. He stares at Haizaki for several seconds, as if trying to decide if he’s really there or if he’s a hallucination caused by lack of sleep. Regardless of how intimidating Aomine looks, Haizaki sustains his glare until Aomine speaks:

“And you are…?”

“Haizaki,” he says simply.

“The immigration guy,” Aomine says.

“Yeah.”

There are a few seconds of tension in which Kise is under the strong impression that Haizaki and Aomine are going to jump at each other’s throats at any second. It’s like the encounter of two wolves, both leaders of their own packs, and are ready to fight for territory. What an absurdly unnecessary testosterone showdown. Finally, Aomine lets out an uninterested noise and sits down. Momoi and Kise have to hold back their relieved sighs, but they both seem glad that no one started a fight.

“Well, then I’m going to bed.” Momoi tugs at Kise’s sleeve until he leans towards her and she plants a kiss on his cheek. It’s weird, but he pretends that this happens all the time. “Wake me up before lunch, ok? Kagamin and Tetsu-kun are coming to visit us and to meet you.”

Kise’s smile freezes on his face. Unaware that she just delivered terrible news, Momoi smiles back and heads to her bedroom. So not only he’ll have to deal with Haizaki, but he’ll have to look like the perfect fiancé for Momoi’s friends and her unrequited love. Great.

He eyes the toast he made thinking he and Momoi would share, puts everything on a plate and slides it to Aomine. He ate a whole slice of pizza on the previous day, after all. Maybe it’ll be okay if he has just coffee for breakfast and hopefully Aomine won’t be a dick and will eat it silently.

“The fuck is this?” Aomine mumbles.

Kise sighs. Of fucking course. “Breakfast. Don’t wanna?”

“Yeah, but why the hell are you making me food? It’s creepy.”

“I didn’t make for you, asshole, I made for Momocchi. But she went to sleep and I don’t really want it. If you’re not eating, I’m throwing it away.”

Aomine shrugs and starts eating the toast. Kise gulps the rest of his coffee and does his best to ignore Haizaki’s attentive eyes as he washes the mug.

Overall, it isn’t a fun morning and Kise is surprised that Haizaki doesn’t give up and goes home. After eating his breakfast – and giving Haizaki many dirty looks – Aomine goes back to their bedroom where he locks himself in. Kise is grateful for that, because he doesn’t want Haizaki to go in there and find out that there is more than one bed.

Kise decides to spend his morning on the couch when he receives a call from Akashi. It’s extremely uncomfortable to discuss his appointments for the week with Haizaki there, but he manages to do it anyway. When he finally hangs up, Haizaki already got bored and is playing with his phone instead. He seems much focused and is even wearing earphones. For all Kise knows, he could be playing Love Live.

“Shougo-kun, what are you really doing here?”

Haizaki lifts his eyes from the phone screen. “My job. Isn’t the greatest one, but somebody has to do it.”

“It seems to me that you’re wasting time at my apartment.”

“Look, I don’t want to spend my Friday staring at your fake ugly mug, ok?” Haizaki scowls. “I’d  rather be somewhere else. Or at least I’d be happier if your girl was awake, but my boss is an asshole that is all about following the rules. The rules say I just sit here and watch whatever you do.” He turns his attention back at his phone. “And, actually, I wouldn’t mind if you showed me some action.”

Kise frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Go call that Momoi chick. Do something couples do. Maybe make out. Maybe do more than making out. I wouldn’t mind watching.”

And he lets out a disgusted noise, fully aware that he walked right into that one. Maybe ignoring Haizaki is the best call after all, he thinks. Back to uncomfortable silence it is.

Kise feels almost thankful when he hears someone at the door, but then he remembers who they’re expecting. It must be the infamous Tetsu-kun and his boyfriend and Kise doesn’t know if he’s ready to deal with them and Haizaki at the same time. He gets up to open the door regardless, because he has no other options.

"Yes?" He smiles pleasantly, although his smile falters a little when he meets the man by the door.

He's... scary. Not the Aomine scary. It's not the scary that makes Kise excited  - the scary that Kasamatsu used to call "bad taste in men" -  but a rude kind of scary. He's tall, apparently strong, his hair is messy, he has the weirdest eyebrows Kise had ever seen and he decided to wear a very old back T-shirt even though he's meeting his dear friend's fiancé.

"Uh... Hi," Kagami says, looking grumpy. Or maybe it's just the eyebrows. "You must be Momoi's... huh... You're Kise, right?"

"Right." Kise offers his hand. "And you must be Kagami-kun. Please come in!"

Kagami shakes his hand – he has a very firm grip – and steps inside looking a little awkward.

Kise can barely believe somebody rejected Momoi to be with this guy. Sure, he has nice shoulders and maybe his ass is good to look at, but his face is too dull looking, his eyes too angry, and then there is the eyebrows. (Seriously though. The eyebrows. Why? How they are even possible?)

"Is it Kagamin and Tetsu-kun?" Momoi's sleepy voice comes from the living room right before she comes to greet their visitors. "Hey! Thank you for coming."

"And where is this infamous Tetsu-kun?" Kise asks. "I've been excited to meet him as well."

"I was here all the time."

Kise lets out a startled cry and turns around. He finds another man standing right next to him – and how the fuck he didn't notice that man there until now? - and realizes that this must be the man Momoi fell in love with. However, once the surprise passes, Momoi's love is the last thing in Kise's mind, because that dull voice saying "I was here all the time" brought back so many memories. Kise gasps.

"Holy shit." He mutters. "Holy fucking... _Kurokocchi_?"

 

 

If you have ever told Ryouta Kise that he would spend his afternoon cooking with his middle school crush's boyfriend under the attentive eyes of his high school fuck buddy... He would have laughed at your face. And yet that's exactly what happened on that Friday.

After pulling Kuroko to a bone crushing hug and, according to Aomine, "screeching so loudly that you woke me up, assface", Kise actually explained to everyone that Kuroko was an old friend he'd lost contact with. (He ignored Kuroko's mean remark that "friends" was an exaggeration. That was just Kuroko's humor, he didn't actually mean that.) They all exchanged the obligatory pleasantries - "What a small world!" And "I can't believe you're engaged to Momoi-san!" And "How have you been?" - before Kagami announced he would be making dinner.

Kise was confused until Momoi explained to him that, whenever he comes over, Kagami cooks because a) he's the best cook and b) he really likes making food. Since Haizaki was eyeing him suspiciously – he might or might not know a thing or two about Kise's not so subtle crush on Kuroko when he was 13 – Kise offers to help Kagami. So yes, he does spends the afternoon cooking with Kagami as Momoi and Kuroko offer to chop vegetables every now and then and Aomine makes grumpy remarks and bickers with Kagami every five minutes. Everything feels so disgustingly domestic Kise feels himself getting suffocated in the friendly atmosphere.

Haizaki looks terribly misplaced. He just sits and observes – and glares at Aomine, which causes them to have a little staring contest before Aomine interrupts it because of his need to fight Kagami all the time – and Haizaki doesn't participate of the conversation in any way whatsoever. Kise introduces him as a friend and, while Kagami and Kuroko don't seem to like him very much, he manages to pass almost as unnoticed as Kuroko for the rest of the day.

Dinner... It's quite an experience.

"So... how did you guys meet and stuff?" Kagami asks at some point.

"Well, we knew each other for ages because of work, but we never _knew_ each other, you know?" Kise starts.

"Yeah, but then we _met_." Momoi smiles and proceeds to tell them about what actually happened.

How she was being harassed and Kise saved her and she took him for coffee as a thanks. They both agreed that that story was romantic enough – they just didn't need to say that it happened just a couple of days ago – and it was good to include something that was actually true. After finishing her story, Momoi reaches for Kise's hand and smiles at him lovingly.

(Aomine scoffs.)

(Kise wants to scold him for that, but he also wants to laugh at her bad act.)

"I never expected Momoi-san to get married so soon," Kuroko says.

"Well, neither have I." She smiles and this time Kise can tell that she's forcing it. "But you know how it is when you meet the right person."

Kise squeezes her hand softly and smiles encouragingly at her. The look Momoi gives him back is full of affection and gratitude. Kise can only pray that everyone will mistake that look for something other than the supportive friendship that it really is.

"Yeah, but you sure Kise-kun is the right person? This Kise-kun?"

" _Kurokocchi_ , that's so _mean_! Why would you say that?"

(Haizaki quirks an eyebrow and chews his share of food slowly, keeping his eyes on Kise.)

(Kise does his best to ignore him, which is surprisingly easy, because he and Momoi are busy telling Aomine to stop laughing with his mouth full.)

"And when are you guys exchanging rings?"

"Soon. We haven't decided a date yet, but we want to get married as soon as possible."

"Yeah, it's not going to be a big ceremony. We don't want the press finding out that Ki-chan is getting married, so..."

"You trying to get married in secret?" Kagami cocks one of his absurd eyebrows. "Huh. Freaks."

And the conversation goes on like that. Kise follows Momoi's directions with no problem, making sure that they keep their story consistent. It's not as difficult as he thought it would be. Before they notice, their plates are clean and the sink is overflowing with dishes to wash and it's time for the guests to leave.

Aomine just waves them goodbye and goes to the living room on his own. Momoi and Kise, however, are decent, polite human beings, so they see their guests (and Haizaki, thank goodness) to the door. Kise holds an arm around Momoi's shoulder praying that it seems natural enough, even though it feels really weird.

"It was really nice to have you guys." Momoi smiles. "You should come more often."

"Thanks for having us." Kuroko bows politely.

"It was really cool. Thanks for the cooking tips, Kagami-kun! And please come to visit us again, Kurokocchi!"

Haizaki isn't as polite. He just smirks at Kise and Momoi and gives a final cold look at the contact between the two of the before living. One thing is sure: he doesn't believe yet.

 

 

Aomine sits down on the sofa and waits in silence, trying to listen to whatever they are saying, but he can’t. When he hears the footsteps of Momoi and Kise coming back, however, he quickly turns on the TV and pretends to be very invested in whatever it’s on. Unfortunately it’s a cooking show. Definitely not enough to distract him from the fact that Momoi and Kise sit each by one of his sides. The fact that Kise is comfortable enough to just occupy the spot on his left makes him think that his intimidation techniques are quite rusty and need to be worked on.

After quite a few moments of silence, Momoi mutters meekly:

"Still thinks it's his loss?"

Aomine tenses up. This is the taboo subject, the one he’s been avoiding so adamantly. Kise, on other hand, just raises an eyebrow and, without hesitation whatsoever, he replies:

“Yeah, I do. You’re a real catch. Kagami-kun is hot and everything, but I’d choose you anytime.”

Momoi stares at him. “Really? Even though Kagamin is tall and handsome and cooks well?”

“He’s not handsome.” Kise scoffs, waving his hand in dismiss. “He has a nice bone structure maybe and he sure is tall, but his face is kind of plain. I mean… He seems nice and everything, but what the hell is wrong with his eyebrows?”

She starts laughing. “That’s so mean!”

Aomine still can’t bring himself to say anything. She’s laughing. He doesn’t understand how the two of them can speak of it so lightly. He watched Momoi cry for days after Kuroko started dating Kagami. _Days_. And now she and Kise will just carefreely talk about her painful, unrequited feelings as if they were nothing. When he thinks this conversation can’t get any more shocking, Kise comments:

“But at least now I know why you’re struggling to get over him.”

At that, Aomine’s chin drops. Wouldn’t that be the ultimate forbidden subject? The thing Momoi hated the most was to have her flaws pointed out and then Kise would just mindlessly point out that she wasn’t able to get over her unrequited feelings? Aomine’s head whips towards Momoi, ready to throw a punch at Kise’s stupid face if she seemed hurt. The punch isn’t necessary, however, because Momoi’s only reaction is to cock an eyebrow up.

“Oh, you do?”

“I do.” Kise nods vigorously. “It’s Kurokocchi, after all. Everybody loves Kurokocchi. I think even I had a crush on Kurokocchi once.”

Now it’s Momoi’s turn to scoff. “I didn’t think he was your type.”

“He’s not! But I had a crush on him anyway. Midorimacchi probably crushed on him too, I’m telling you, everybody loves Kurokocchi.”

“What, that Midorima-kun?”

“Midorimacchi! I swear to God. He once gave Kurokocchi his good luck pencil and everything. That’s like saying “I love you” for Midorimacchi’s standards.”

Momoi laughs. Even though they’re talking about a sensitive subject, she doesn’t look hurt. She doesn’t look completely fine, of course, there is still some kind of bitterness hidden behind her laugh, but mostly she seems alright. Like she’s healing.

And then Aomine realizes: he has been dealing with this situation wrong. He was so scared of hurting Momoi even further – and of ruining their friendship with Kuroko – that he simply ran away as if the simple mention of Kuroko would trigger Momoi’s breakdown. It’s like she said on the night she first brought Kise home: her feelings for Kuroko don’t define her. And talking about them seems to be more beneficial than pretending they don’t exist.

He’s still not done with feeling the worst friend of the world when he notices that Kise and Momoi are staring intently at him.

“What?” He barks.

“Tell us about the time you had a crush on Kurokocchi too.”

“What? I never had a crush on him!”

Kise gapes at him incredulously.

“Don’t lie!” Momoi squeals, slapping him on the shoulder. “You totally liked him back then in middle school. You called him your light and everything.”

“Your light? Oh my God, Aominecchi, that’s so gay.”

“T-That was about basketball, I did not have a crush on Tetsu!”

“That’s absurd. Everybody loves Kurokocchi.”

“Well, whatever, I never had any weird feelings for him. We are just friends!”

“Oh, Dai-chan, just admit it. We won’t judge. We know everybody loves Tetsu-kun. Ki-chan crushed on him. Midorima-kun crushed on him. Kagamin’s in love with him. I still crush on him a little. Just admit it.”

“Who the hell is Midorima? And I don’t have anything to admit! Don’t project your weird feelings on me!”

“We are not projecting, we are just saying that everybody…”

“ _Stop,_ ” Aomine snaps, “saying that everybody loves Kurokocchi, you fuck!”

Momoi leans closer and shouts into his ear: “ _BUT EVERYBODY LOVES KUROKOCCHI_!”


	7. The mom friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise's friends are his actual parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since yesterday was Kise's birthday, here's a chapter that revolves exclusively around him. It took me forever to write this, because I had a bit of a block in Midorima's part, but in the end I'm satisfied. I was waiting for these characters to appear, so I hope ya'all enjoy the result. This chapter contains lots of MidoTaka, by the way.

Midorima clicks his tongue one more time. Takao sighs.

“Look, I know that you’re upset, Shin-chan, but you’re starting to _annoy_ me.” He shakes his head. “Look at how the tables have tabled.”

Aside from a slightly grumpy look, Midorima doesn’t make any comments. He doesn’t say anything about Takao being the annoying one or about how the correct saying is “how the tables have turned.” No, he just stays there with his legs and arms so tightly crossed that it looks like it hurts. In his silent anger, Midorima looks extremely out of place in the restaurant they chose to meed Kise.

It is a discrete place: Takao and Kise have each their fair amount of fans, so they can’t meet just anywhere. But they find themselves a nice, private booth in the restaurant so they can have lunch together in peace.

Takao and Midorima are early, of course, because they came together and God forbid Shintarou Midorima from arriving five minutes late anywhere. Their earliness is good, though, because it gives Takao time to talk his boyfriend out of scolding their friend.

“Shintarou.” Takao calls and that gets Midorima’s attention. Takao never calls him by his full first name unless he means business. “I how you feel, but don’t do it.”

“Don’t do what?” Midorima’s foot taps rapidly against the wooden floor as he speaks. “You don’t expect me to condone Kise’s actions, do you?”

“No, I don’t.” Takao sighs. “I’m not happy with it either, but we shouldn’t interfere.”

“Takao, Kise is gay. And he is marrying a woman.”

“We don’t know that. He never really said he’s into men.”

The glare Midorima gives him is so cold that Takao regrets even opening his mouth. Admitting his defeat, he raises his hands as if asking for mercy.

“Alright, alright. We know that Kise is very not straight. But maybe he found out he’s bi or something.”

Another incredulous look. Midorima clicks his tongue once again.

“Look, Shin-chan… We don’t know what led him to this decision. But you’re not his mom, even though you think you are. And you know what his actual mom is like. Not everyone is lucky enough to have what we do. Can you really blame Kise for deciding to marry a woman?”

Midorima’s anger is replaced by something else. If Takao didn’t know him the way he did, he wouldn’t have been able to name that feeling, but he has become an expert on reading Midorima’s emotions through the years together and he’s able to name each sensation that crosses the expressive eyes behind the glasses: disappointment. Sadness. Worry. Takao’s heart clenches, because he knows that deep down Midorima cares too much about his friends – and that is something that Takao loves about him.

“It is not right,” Midorima mutters, his frustration palpable. “It is not right for him or for the woman he’s marrying. Kise…”

“Is a grown ass adult.” Takao reaches for his boyfriend’s hand across the table and intertwines his fingers. “He’s able to make he’s own decisions. Look, I’m worried about him too. But I don’t think Kise’s doing this without thinking. We should give him some credit.”

Midorima actually pouts and he doesn’t need to speak for Takao to know what he’s thinking: that is really irritating when Takao uses logic against him. He’s probably not given up arguing yet, but then they hear a familiar voice calling their names cheerfully and Midorima frowns.

“Takacchi, Midorimacchi, hi!”

Kise appears holding the hand of a beautiful woman. She has long silky hair, a lovely face and she’s dressed in a way that shows off the curves of her body without any exaggerations. She’s short, but she probably could have been a model if she wanted to. She and Kise look good together, both extremely attractive and all shinny teeth and long eyelashes. It still feels wrong, though. There is something lacking between them. It feels different from when, for example, Takao holds Midorima’s hand.

“Hey.” Takao smiles back, regardless of what he’s thinking and shifts to sit by Midorima’s side, leaving the chairs in front of them for Kise and his fiancée. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Hi, I’m Satsuki Momoi.” The woman beams and her voice is just as pretty as the rest of her. Her hand feels soft when she shakes Takao’s, but she has a firm grip. “It’s so great to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you two!”

“Well, that makes one of us,” Midorima says.

Takao elbows him and quickly – and louder – adds: “Because of that secret thing! I was really surprised when Kise said he was in love and we were really looking forward to finally meet you, Momoi-san. I’m…”

“Takao-kun. I know.” She chuckles. “And you must be the infamous Midorin.”

Takao smiles becomes genuine as he watches Midorima silently mouthing the word “Midorin” with the most scandalized expression he’s able to pull.

“Did we make you guys wait for too long?” Kise asks.

“Nope, we just arrived. But hey, I’m starving. We should order something soon.”

Momoi agrees and she and Takao easily start discussing the options on the menu.  If she notices that Midorima is stiff as a rock and glaring daggers at her fiancé, she doesn’t show – Takao is very aware of that, because his eyes are nothing if not sharp, but he thinks he does a great job pretending that he isn’t.

They order their food and Takao orders Midorima’s, because the stubborn thing refuses to speak even to the waiter. Takao tries his best to cover that up by asking Momoi the most random questions that come to his mind – how she and Kise met, how is it like to work at whatever she works with, what is her Hogwarts house… those things you need to know to judges one’s character. He avoids asking her star sign, though, because he doesn't want to wake up something in Midorima – and he thinks he’s doing great until Momoi’s purse starts to buzz.

“Oh…” She says, fishing a pink cased phone from it. “I’m so sorry. It’s from the office, I really have to pick up. Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Takao grins.

“They don’t pay you enough.” Kise points as his fiancée smiles at them apologetically and leaves the booth to speak at the phone.

She’s been away for five seconds and Takao is already opening his mouth to tell Kise that she’s a very nice young woman when Midorima can’t take it anymore. He suddenly hisses:

“ _What are you doing_?”

And here we go.

Kise furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing!” Takao interferes. “He means nothing, isn’t that right, _Shintarou_?”

“I very much mean something, thank you.”  The taller man huffs indignantly. “Kise, what is this engagement all of sudden? Where did this woman even came from? I’m sure you didn’t know her a month ago.”

“Of course I knew her! I’ve been with her for months!”

Kise is lying. That much Takao can tell. Kise has never been spectacularly good at lying, so he didn’t even need his sharp hawk eyes to notice the discomfort of his friend and that he isn’t telling the truth. But something doesn’t add up. Because if Kise is lying, then that Momoi lady is lying as well, but why would she do that?

“This nonsense has to end. We know that you don’t want to marry that woman.”

Kise’s eyes become cold and Takao wants to cry, because this isn’t going to be pretty. Kise is usually easygoing and pleasant, but you sure don’t want to push his buttons. You also don’t want to make him angry. Telling him what he can and what he can’t do is usually a very efficient way of pissing him off.

“Of course I want to marry her! I _love_ her!” Kise barks and he sounds anything but loving.

This time even Takao raises his eyebrows, because he’s pretty sure that Kise has never used to L-word before towards anyone he’s went out with and it sounds extremely off coming from him. He doesn’t look like a man who is done partying because he found true love. He sounds… well, like he’s saying that just to antagonize Midorima.

“Don’t be ridiculous! You’re going to regret this dearly once you actually get together.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, Midorima, but we are already together!” _Oh no. He dropped the –cchi_. “I’ve been living with Momocchi since we got engaged and I couldn’t be _happier_!”

Takao head whips towards Kise. “You’ve been… _what_?”

“That’s right,” Kise says coldly. “As soon as I asked her to marry me and she accepted, I’ve moved in with her and we’re good like that, thank you very much.”

“You…” Midorima seems to be at loss. “How are we hearing about that only now?”

“Well, I don’t owe explanations of my whole life to you, do I?”

Midorima retreats and his eyes widen with hurt. That’s when Takao snaps.

“ _Hey!_ ” He glares at Kise. “We don’t get to tell you how to live your life, but he’s worried about you, you prick! Don’t talk to him like that.”

Kise pouts and looks away mumbling “Sorry”, but Takao knows him well enough to see that he isn’t even a bit sorry. He’s going to be, though, later, when he realizes that he’s hurt one of his best friends.  Taking a deep breath to keep his cool, Takao turns to his boyfriend.

“And you. What did I say about meddling on Kise’s life? He is able to make his own decisions and you don’t get a saying in all of them.”

Midorima doesn’t say anything. The two grown ass men stay there, both sulking like the duo of oversized babies they are. Takao rolls his eyes.

“Look at what you’ve done. You two ruined the mood.”

“ _Midorimacchi_ ruined the mood.” Kise murmurs.

“Why, _you little_ …”

“ _Shintarou_.” Takao interrupts. “And you too, Kise. If you two don’t behave, neither of you are getting dessert!”

As if she was waiting for this cue, Momoi appears again showering them in apologies, but she stops before she sits, noticing the change of atmosphere.

“Is… everything all right here? What did I miss?”

“Nothing, just Shin-chan and Kise being babies. You know how they get. What was the problem, Momoi-san?”

She smiles meekly and starts talking about this guy in her office that keeps scaring the other employees. As she speaks, her perceptive eyes discretely go back and forth from Kise to Midorima and back to Takao, and that’s how Takao notices that she is no fool.

He doesn’t have all the puzzle pieces, but he’s sure of some things: first, Momoi and Kise are lying. Consciously so. They are both hiding something. Midorima isn’t stupid; he probably would notice that as well if he wasn’t so blinded by his feelings. Second, there is nothing they can do to convince Kise that getting married to a woman while being gay is a bad idea. Third, thy have some kind of ulterior motive that might make marriage a good idea, but they aren’t willing to share it.

Their little meeting seems to last forever after that. Several centuries later, Kise announces that he’s got to go and asks Momoi to come with him. She looks confused, but agrees easily and waves them goodbye. Takao feels like he would like her in other situation.

As soon as they are alone, Midorima starts again:

“Unbelievable.”

Takao groans.

“Shin-chan, please. You saw him. There is nothing you can do to change his mind. Let it go.”

“Maybe there isn’t something I can do, but I know someone who can.”

A frown. “Who are you talking about?”

“You said that he’s moving back, right? You’re going to meet him today, aren’t you?”

Takao feels a migraine coming and he wonders when he became the one that gets a headache in the relationship. Back in the day, he used to be Midorima’s biggest source of both joy and stress. It seems like Midorima has every intention of paying back.

“Please, don’t tell me you’re going to tell him. No one likes a tattletale, Shin-chan.”

“Do you think Kise would hide from _him_ that he’s getting married?”

“Well, no, but we both know that you have ulterior motives. You’re not telling him so that he’ll get happy with the news.”

“I’m just repassing information that I got from Kise.” Midorima adjusts his glasses. “That Kise’s living together with a young woman and intends to marry her. What he does with that information is not my concern.”

Takao wants to laugh, because of course that Midorima wants a little petty revenge on Kise. He decides to let them settle that among themselves. He learned years ago that guys like Midorima and Kise – and even that Akashi guy – have their own weird way of carrying their friendship and commoners like him have nothing to do with it. He shrugs and lets Midorima do whatever he wants.

Kise brought this on his own.

 

* * *

 

When Aomine arrives home, he doesn’t expect anyone to be there. Momoi said that she had an important meeting and Kise was never home in the afternoon and in the early evening, so he’s surprised when he’s greeted by the lights on and the sound of the television. He almost thinks he’s going to have to deal with a burglar until he recognizes Kise curled up on the couch.

“Hey. I’m home.” He announces.

Kise gives him a quick look and, to Aomine’s shock, his pretty eyes are pink and swollen. His cheeks are paler than usual and his nose is easily discernible from the rest of his face because it is bright red. He quickly turns his gaze back to the TV with an almost impossible to hear “hmm” in response. Aomine can’t tell if Kise got a sudden killer cold or if he’s been crying the whole afternoon.

“I… huh… ok.” He mumbles to himself because Kise isn’t paying attention to him.

Aomine goes to the bathroom, panicking, because nobody’s ever taught him what to do in case he found a guy he (should) hate crying in his living room. Considering that the said guy is his roommate and his friend’s fiancé.

He decides to follow his usual routine and take a shower – because he can’t think of anything else to do – and he takes as long as it’s humanly possible in the bathroom wondering what the hell left Kise on that state.  He tiptoes to his room to change, still painfully uncertain of how to proceed and seriously considering calling Momoi to ask what happened. And he does call her, but her cellphone is off. Stupid meeting.

Finally, Aomine finds out that he can’t hide in the bedroom for the rest of the night, so he heads back to the living room. Kise hasn’t moved since Aomine last saw him. He also notices that the model is wearing his ugliest pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt so ancient it has several holes in it. On the TV screen, a movie is on. As Aomine watches, Kise sniffles.

“Hm… Did you,” Aomine starts and then coughs to clear his throat. “didn’t you have work or something today?”

“I asked Akashicchi to cancel my appointments for today.”

Short. Dry. Kise doesn’t even look at Aomine as he answers. Something is so very wrong.

“OK, so I… Did you have dinner yet?”

“No.”

“All right.” He takes a deep breath. It is very unnerving to see Kise quiet like that. “Got any requests? I’m feeling generous today.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you just said…”

“Leave me _alone_ , Aomine.”

Aomine wants to punch him – and he deserves a punch, after all Aomine is offering him a temporary truce and the piece of shit is being like that – but he manages not to. In fact, he doesn’t think that he could do anything to harm Kise on that moment. Not when Kise is wearing his old pajamas and hugging a cushion so tightly against his chest that it looks like his life depends on it.  Aomine can’t stop himself, though, from angrily hissing:

“Fine! Starve to death. See if I care.” And he walks towards the kitchen.

But he’s too restless to cook now. He’s worried about Kise, damn it, because whatever could leave the bubbly man on that state of misery? _If only Momoi picked up her damn phone…_!

He’s wondering if he can cook something that smells good enough to tempt Kise to eat something – he believes that there is no sadness that food can’t heal – when he hears the obnoxious sound of somebody at the door.

Usually he would yell to Kise open it, but this time he decides to go there himself. Just because.

Kise doesn’t pay him any attention or moves from his spot on the couch as Aomine walks past him to get the door.

The man outside is a stranger. He has short, spiky black hair, very thick eyebrows and he looks angry. Even though he’s shorter than Aomine, he has enough presence to compensate for his lack of height. For some reason, he looks oddly familiar.

“Yeah…?” Aomine raises a brow.

“Is Ryouta Kise in there?” Angry guy asks, tapping one of his feet impatiently.

“Well, yeah, he lives here, so- Hey!”

Angry guy shoves Aomine out of the way and invades their home as if it was nothing. Aomine wastes a few seconds being too shocked to follow him, but he soon wakes up when the stranger shouts “KISE!” as he makes his way inside. Aomine runs after the guy.

Kise looks at them, surprised, and, after a second, he literally falls of the couch.

“K-Kasamatsu-senpai!

“YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

Kise screeches and tries to run, but angry guy is faster. He grabs Kise by the collar before he can escape and pulls him down violently, getting him into a headlock. Aomine is pretty sure that Kise is going to have his neck snapped, but then angry men starts roughly ruffling Kise’s hair while roaring:

“ _What. Do you. Think. You’re. Doing_?”

“I’M SORRY!” Kise yelps and squirms, trying to free himself, but he’s either not putting enough effort into it of angry guy is a lot stronger than he looks.

“WHO? Who is the poor girl you’re fooling, _you walking trash can_?”

“NO ONE! What the hell, senpai, that’s way too harsh!”

Aomine finally gets tired of being ignored. “OI! _What the fuck is going on here_?”

“That’s what I want to know as well!”

The three men freeze, like a bunch of kids caught by their mom doing something they shouldn’t. Momoi walks into the room wearing high-heels and with her hands on her hips as if she’s ready to beat the three of them up and then send them to the principal room.

Angry guy lets go of Kise, that immediately falls on the floor with a whimper.

“Kasamatsu-senpai, that was unnecessary…” He whines.

“ _You_ are unnecessary!”

“Well?” Momoi demands, tapping one of her feet impatiently.

“I’m sorry.” Angry guy mutters and bows. “I assume you’re Kise’s fiancée.”

“Yes, I am. Now who are you and why were you trying to kill my future husband?”

Angry guy drags his feet, uncomfortable. Aomine doesn’t blame him. When Momoi talks like that, even Aomine feels the urge to shrink and apologize, and he’s used to it since he was a little kid. No wonder angry guy is scared.

“I’m Kasamatsu. And I’m really sorry for barging in, but I have some private matters to solve with Kise.”

Aomine starts to wonder if Kise stole this guy’s girlfriend or something.

“There is nothing private between my fiancé and I. Whatever you want with him can be said in front of me.”

He looks too uncomfortable to say anything – and Aomine can’t blame him, after all Satsuki speaks like a lawyer that is about to get him condemned to years of prison. However, he doesn’t need to, because this is when Kise finally gets up.

“Wait. I know what this is about,” he says. “Kasamatsu-senpai must think that I’m deceiving Momocchi. But this is all a misunderstanding.”

“Kise…” Kasamatsu starts, but Kise interrupts him:

“Wait, it’s okay. I really have no secrets with Momocchi. That’s why… I’m not lying to her. I would never hurt her feelings.”

The silence that follows is heavy, the tension so clear it can be cut with a knife. Aomine feels like he shouldn’t be there, but he can’t turn his gaze away as the Kasamatsu guy mutters:

“It’s not her feelings that I’m worried about and you know that damn well.”

Kise’s face becomes bright red and he lets out a shameful whimper as he throws his arms around the shorter man. Kasamatsu yelps, but doesn’t fall under Kise’s weight, which is impressive.

“I know!” Kise cries out. “But she knows everything! Momocchi is marrying me even though I’m gay, because she’s my friend!”

 _Wait, what_?

Momoi lets out a heavy sigh and shakes her head, as if this situation isn’t really unexpected to her – but then again it’s almost impossible to surprise Momoi – and Kasamatsu looks too shocked to say anything else. Once more… Aomine doesn’t blame him. Aomine doesn’t know what to say as well.

Not because Kise blurted out something that nobody is supposed to know, that his engagement is nothing but a fraud – later Aomine will think about that and get really pissed off – but because two words that Kise just said keep playing on repeat inside his brain: “Momocchi is marrying even though I’m gay.” _I’m gay_. Kise is gay.

“You’re _gay_?” Aomine spits.

“You’re marrying a gay dude?” Kasamatsu asks, glaring at Momoi, Kise’s arms still wrapped up firmly around him.”

“I should have seen this coming.” Momoi sighs. “Yes, Kasamatsu-kun. Why don’t you sit down for some tea? We’re going to explain everything.”

 

* * *

 

Overall, Aomine had better evenings. He uncomfortably cooks them dinner as Momoi, Kise and Kasamatsu sit on the dining table and talk about their situation. Kise explain his issues with the immigration and how Momoi has offered to help him – and it still baffles Aomine that she was the one to come up with this stupid idea – and how they moved in together. At the end of it, Kasamatsu looks absolutely horrified.

“This is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling them!” Aomine roars from the other side of the kitchen.

“We disagree,” Momoi says simply.

“And it’s done now,” Kise says. “We are going until the end of it. But... nobody must know that.”

“And that’s why you were an absolute dick to Midorima today?”

Kise seems to shrink on the chair under the accusation. Momoi gives him a sympathetic look. Aomine wonders who the hell is Midorima and if that is the reason why Kise was crying earlier. From what he could catch from their conversation, this Midorima person has called Kasamatsu and told him about Kise's upcoming marriage and, in response, Kasamatsu had reached for Akashi to know Kise's new address and go after him.

“Midorimacchi was kind of a jerk to me too…”

“He was worried about you, you ass! As was I!” Kasamatsu huffs. “And you know that, you feel bad about it.”

“I do not,” Kise mumbles, like a child.

“Kise. You’re going to call Midorima and apologize.”

“I cannot tell him-”

“About your stupid fake marriage? Yeah, you can’t. Midorima would drop dead on the spot,” Kasamatsu says. “But you can acknowledge that he was just worried about you and wants you happy. You shit.”

“But then he’ll try to get me to call off the wedding!”

“No, he won’t. I’ll talk to Takao and I’ll get them to respect your stupid decisions.”

“Senpai! Are you going to help me?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? I’ve been cleaning your messes since you were just a cocky 15 years-old brat.”

Kise launches himself across the table to hug Kasamatsu again, wailing loudly incomprehensible words. Kasamatsu yells at him and Momoi stats laughing loudly.

Aomine leaves them be, trying to ignore the feeling on the bottom of his gut that he can’t name. (He doesn’t want to name.)

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it for today, folks! I hope you found it fun to read and please let me know if you spot any mistakes I didn't! Oh, and if you read this far, it wouldn't hurt to leave a little comment, right? If you hated, you can also come and demand an apology on [ tumblr](http://kisecchinosedai.tumblr.com/ask)!


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